Arrogant Bastard, by Winter Renshaw

Arrogant Bastard

Grade: B-*

Doing it at: 0%, but not will our couple till 64%

Catnip: Polygamy, Step Siblings: Not Quite Incest, But it was 99 cents…

Shame Scale: Medium shame for being a stepsibling, polygamist, teenage romance novel. (Medium shame lol – Mary)

Fantasy Cast: Amanda Seyfried, Colton Haynes

Book Description:

The last time my father beat me to a bloody pulp was the night he walked in on me banging my step-mother in his bed.

To be fair, she seduced me. And to be honest, I liked it. But to CPS, I was a victim.

They shipped me to Utah where my estranged mother lived with her husband and two sister-wives. And that’s when I met her. My innocent, wholesome, perfect step-sister. Well, one of many. But Waverly stood out because just like me, we’d been fighting a losing battle our entire lives.

Falling for her was a mistake, but shit, it’s not like I ever made good decisions.

Fuck being “family.” I must have Waverly Miller, and I won’t stop until she’s mine.


Mary: This book sounded so trashy. Stepmom banging, polygamy, and a step sibling romance. And it was 99 cents. We don’t even think twice when books like this pop up on our radar.

Cleone: We like to consider ourselves the pre-eminent step sibling romance blog on the internet. It’s pretty prestigious.

M: The premise of this book is pretty much exactly how the blurb describes it.

C: We open with Jensen literally INSIDE of his stepmother, a place he’s intimately familiar with. His dad comes home, catches them, and beats the crap out of Jensen. This is also nothing new.

M: Jensen has been hooking up with his (ex-stripper) stepmom since he turned 16, as a way for the two of them to get revenge on his abusive father. His dad is a pastor, and basically he’s above the law as the town hero/word of god. But this time his dad goes way too far, and the neighbors call the cops about all the screaming. Social services steps in, and Jensen gets shipped off to his estranged mother who he hasn’t seen in seven years. That’s not uncomfortable at all.

C: Since Jensen saw her last, his mom has remarried, and gained two sister wives as well. They live in Utah in a compound that’s very Big Love-esque.

M: He’s got a bunch of new siblings, some of them blood related, most of them not. There’s too many for me to remember/care about. The noteworthy one is Waverly. She’s gorgeous with curves for days, all hidden under her modest mormon clothes.

C: Waverly is the same age as Jensen, and has been asked to show him around school, and teach him the ropes around the household. On the inside, sweet, innocent Waverly is itching for freedom. Even though externally she is docile and quiet. She’s “keeping sweet” which essentially means listening to everything her father tells her and taking his word as law. We liked Waverly though, we could tell she was our type of girl.

I pulled out the old Harlequin novel stashed between my mattress and box springs and flipped to page one-seventy-six, reading the steamiest scene in the book and pretending it was us.


Arrogant 3

M: I’m not saying that we bookmark steamy scenes that we like to return to from time to time, but I’m not not saying that either.

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Snake, by Emilia Beaumont

Snake

Grade: C-

Doing it at: 59%

Catnip: Stepsiblings: Not Quite Incest, Evil Villainess, My Sister My Surrogate, Beta Hero

Shame Scale: Medium-high. Conceptually, it’s trashy as hell, but in reality, this was pretty mild.

Fantasy Cast: Evan Peters, Taissa Farminga

Book Description:

Cheating, f**king, lying Snake!

I thought he was different than all the rest. 

My stepbrother, Devan, was everything I longed for in a man: loyal, protective, and strong. 

After being burned so many times by cheating scumbags, you can understand why. Devan’s the perfect guy; the standard I hold other men up to. If only I could have a carbon copy of him… tattoos and all. 

But then he kissed me. And no matter how much I want him to be mine, I now see him for what he really is. 

Another snake that can’t keep it in his pants. 

He’s married, for f*cks sake! 

Their marriage is in trouble, but that’s no excuse, and it just happens to be one of the reasons why I’m living with the couple… I’ve made a deal to be their surrogate. 

How did my life become so complicated all of a sudden? 

Because now, after just one amazing kiss, I can’t stop thinking about my stepbrother and the baby I promised to give him. 


Stepbrother books are romantic palate cleansers. When I finish an exceptionally good book, or maybe one that’s exceptionally bad, I like to dive into something that I know is going to be fun and dirty. A stepbrother romance, or maybe a BBW shifter menage? Something silly and formulaic. They go on sale for 99 cents pretty much daily, and we hoard them for times when we just need to wipe the slate clean with a really dirty, smutty rag. So it’s extra disappointing when I go into something thinking it’s going to be a great trash book, and it’s not actually all that trashy.

With a title like “Snake,” and a cover that’s all tattoos and abs and chains, I had high expectations for some seriously kinky shit. This book had so much potential: Girl moves in with her stepbrother and his wife because she’s broke, and they need a surrogate to carry their baby. Girl and stepbrother have affair. Shit blows up. That’s basically what happened, but the execution was meh, and our hero was more of a beta jellyfish than an alpha dog. Spoilers abound in this one, #sorrynotsorry. There’s a predictable twist at the end, that I won’t reveal though, so you can still buy this book and be surprised.

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Badass: A Stepbrother SEAL Romance, by Linda Barlow & Alana Albertson

badass

Grade: D+

Doing it at: 11%

Catnip: One Night Stand; Alpha; Motorcycles; Stepsiblings: Not Quite Incest; Mexico; Road Trip; Not Really That Forbidden To Be Honest; Dual Narrative; Men in Uniform; But it was 99 cents

Shame Scale: The cover is maybe less shameful than the actual writing in this one.

Fantasy Cast: Jeremy Renner and Lindsay Lohan

What do we taste like: She tasted sweet and spicy, like cinnamon and chocolate

Book Description:

I f**ked a SEAL—the human kind, the kind who shoots terrorists, sports rock hard abs and tattooed biceps, and scores an easy lay with every girl he ever wants.

I should’ve known better. I should be studying harbor seals’ native habits, not conducting my own research into mating rituals of the Navy variety.

He’s a jackass. A bad boy. An arrogant, womanizing, patronizing, Harley-riding jerk.

A one-night stand. One night of the most incredible sex I’ve ever had. Shane is trained to kill with his bare hands in 300 different ways—and he knows 300 ways to f**k me, too.

Now my father is engaged to his mother. And we’re heading to Mexico for the wedding. He’s threatening to ruin their big day if I don’t surrender to his demands.

Quit is not in his vocabulary. I hate him, but I know he’ll never give up until he gets everything he wants.

Screw that! I won’t give up—I’ll never submit to America’s cockiest badass.

I had just read three books in a row that gave me serious feels (About Last Night, Beautiful Secret, and a joint Ugly Love reread with Mary) and I wanted something light and trashy and strictly fun. You might have noticed that the Shame Girls like Stepbrother romances and when this one popped up for 99 cents, I added it to the library with the message to Mary and Paperback Purist that we DESERVE this. Maybe my hopes were too high, but this book let me down.

Cassie is down on the beach, admiring sea lions in their natural habitats, because she’s a marine biology student (she has a brain, guys, don’t forget it) and admiring the cocky guy who is about to do a night dive on his lonesome. She sees a baby sea lion who appears to be in distress and after realizing he has a piece of plastic wrapped around his neck wades in to save him. Shane sees her messing around with the baby and notices that a very angry mama sea lion is headed towards her. He rushes in, throws her over his shoulder and spirits her to shore. We’ve switched to his perspective and he’s immediately in cave man speak over Cassie, he wants to plow her plump ass and watch her red hair spill around his dick while she sucks it. So, in a not at all douche move, he tells her that he won’t report her to the marine animal police or what have you as long as she fucks him. And Cassie agrees to this with very very little outrage because he’s hot and he told her to, I guess.

I’d seen marine animals go into a mating frenzy — sharks went nuts sometimes– violent fucking that left blood in the water. If he– what did he say his name was, Shane? — if Shane was a shark, then I was a goner, because I needed that fat, hard dick inside me in the worst way.

Shane and Cassie go back to his apartment and have a lot of sex. With a break between rounds two and three for a burger at the local dive bar. Cassie leaves before morning, and Shane goes off to the Middle East with his SEAL squad (I don’t know if squad is the right term, but go with it) for nine months.

Cassie had left him her number, hopefully, and is pissed that he never called. She wished she could forget him , but the sex was so hot that she can not get him out her head. And her dating life isn’t so hopping since she’s so busy in school learning about whales and coral reefs and such. But her Dad’s love life is on point and he asks her to come to fancy dinner with him, his new girlfriend, and her son who is just back from a tour in the Middle East. Cassie had no clue he was a SEAL and was pretty shocked when Shane shows up to dinner. With a shitty attitude towards their parents and some heavy innuendo towards her.

Why Shane has this giant chip on his shoulder and thinks that everyone looks down on him, I could not figure out. Are elite military servicemen considered to be bad guys? Do fathers really not want their daughters marrying the patriotic gents fighting for our country? This is ‘Murica! When Cassie’s dad and Shane’s mom announce they’re getting married in Baja it doesn’t go over well and Cassie tells Shane they can never have sex again because they’re going to be stepsiblings. Again, I do not get this line of thinking. They’re in their twenties, they weren’t raised together, this isn’t incestuous. But, whatever she’s striving to be unanimous in this, and he’s all “the only way I will play nice and go to this wedding is if we go together and you be my sex slave the whole way down.” And Cassie is all “SIGH. YOLO. PUT IT IN ME.”

The actual trip to Baja took some seriously unexpected turns. I was imagining it would just be lots of sex, tenderness turning into love, and their parents accepting that their kids had also found true love. Maybe even a double wedding on a Mexican beach for good measure. Way crazier stuff than that happened. There’s a lot of action and if stepsibling romances are your thing I don’t want to spoil it for you, because this may not be the best book ever but its trashy and fun with plenty of sex. And that might be just your bag, baby. However, I do want to share two amazing (non ruining) quotes out of this one:

If I ran out I could hold my breath for five minutes – a useful skill for stalking pirates. Also came in handy when eating pussy.

Swoon. Our Real American Hero.

I had an idea for a present for Cassie – my dick in a box.

And a Lonely Island fan! What’s not to like?

Amazon

Prick, by Sabrina Paige

Prick

Grade:  C

Doing it at: 47%

Catnip: Good Girl+Bad Boy; Stepsiblings: Not Quite Incest; Protagonists Who Hate Each Other; Secret Banging; Forbidden Romance; Dual Narrative

Shame scale: Pretty high shame. This cover has all the catnip you don’t want to advertise right on it.

Fantasy casting:  n/a

Book description: 

I can’t stop thinking about that prick.
Caulter Sterling is a prick.

A filthy-mouthed, womanizing, crude, spoiled, arrogant prick.

The tattooed, pierced, panty-melting-hot son of a celebrity.

I hate him.

He’s slept his way through practically every girl at Brighton Academy.

Except for me.

I’m the good girl. The responsible girl. The 4.0, class president, studied-so-much-she-never-lost-the-big-V girl.

And in celebration of graduation and adulthood, I just made the worst decision in the history of ever.

I lost my V-card to the devil himself.

It was just one night. So what if it was mind-blowing? Hit it and quit it.

Except I just found out that my father – the Senator, the Presidential hopeful – is marrying Caulter’s mother. Oh, and this summer? We’re hitting the campaign trail.

One big happy family.

I’m totally f**ked.

 
This is a standalone novel with an HEA.

This is the perfect book for laying around and reading on a Sunday when you’re still recovering from the hangover you had on Saturday. Your standard issue Stepsiblings: Not Quite Incest romance. It’s easy, quick, and dirty. No stress, no surprises. They even tell you in the description that it will end happily, with no cliffhanger.

The story starts with Katherine and Caulter’s  famous parents announcing that they have been secretly dating, and have decided to get married. Katherine’s dad is a senator, and Caulter’s mom is an actress. He’s considering a run for president, and they want to take their relationship public. But drama: Katherine called up Caulter the previous weekend and used his legendary sex skills to remedy her troublesome virginity. She came a bunch, because all virgins do. Obviously, they decide that they must never ever let anyone find out about them, because it would cause a media storm and ruin her dad’s career.

Their absentee parents decide to send them to their summer house, and only stop by periodically for public events. Caulter and Katherine quickly (sort of… halfway through the book) strike up a hot summer romance, and get down to it all over the house. Every room. Caulter burns all of her underwear and pants. That kind of book.

But. For all the big deal this cover makes about tattoos and piercings, there was absolutely no mention of either in the book. It felt gimmicky, like her publisher said, “Stepsiblings are tricky. Add some tattoos and piercings to the cover to expand your audience,” and they inked up the cover, but forgot to add it to the book.

Whatever though. I enjoyed it. The writing is fine – it’s no Baby For My Billionaire Stepbrother. It was unremarkable enough to be good for a day when your head hurts and you want to loose yourself in a dirty book and not think too hard, but with enough sex to make it fun. The sequel, Tool, was only 99 cents. I bought it.

One small detail that’s been nagging me: Where is Sabrina Paige from? Is she from the Pittsburgh area? Google had NO ANSWERS. There were some bits of our local dialect that jumped out at me, and I’m wondering if they were actual Pittsburghese, or just typos:

I was shipped off to Brighton, an inconvenience that simply needed reassigned. 

“I don’t need carried,” she says.

SABRINA PAIGE ARE YOU FROM PITTSBURGH? Want to hang out with us and talk about smutty books?

Amazon

A Baby for My Billionaire Stepbrother, by Cassandra Zara

billionaire stepbrother

Grade: Maybe a D- (despite there being D)

Doing it at: 1%

Catnip: Protagonists who hate each other; Stepsiblings: Not Quite Incest; Billionaires; WTF; But it was 99 cents

Shame Scale: Red Hot Burning Shame. This book is badly written, badly plotted, and no amount of sex can help.That cover isn’t anything you’d want a parent or child or dentist to see either.

Fantasy Casting: My brain couldn’t even cast this one, just pick two people you hate and pop them in.

Book Description:

“I’ve been waiting to claim you for a long time…”

“Go take the bus, freshman.”

With one cruel phrase, James had shown me exactly what kind of person he was. Refusing to give me a ride home had shown the catty girls at my high school that I was fair game. It didn’t stop there. For Christmas, he gave me nothing more than an IOU. I had to listen to him making girls from our high school moan through our shared wall. Even though our parents were now married, I knew I’d never think of him as a brother.

I was right, but in the worst way. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop fantasizing about acts that society would consider forbidden.

Four years later, when I came home for Christmas, James was there as well. Only he wasn’t just a popular high school kid anymore. He was the billionaire CEO of his own company. And whatever feelings I had for him resurfaced immediately when I accidentally walked in on him when he was naked. He relished the opportunity to tease me just as he had when we lived together, and I fell for it every time.

Only, when I left the house to do something I might regret, he saved me. It was only then that I found out that he had not only been protecting me, but he had wanted me just as fiercely all along. And, even though that IOU from all those Christmases before said that he owed me a gift, I wanted to use it to give him a gift that would last a lifetime.

A baby.

This was a 99 cents purchase, we figured how bad could it be, which is a thought that never ends well. A Baby for My Billionaire Stepbrother introduced me to a whole subset of Kindle books I didn’t even know existed. I urge everyone to go over to Amazon and type in “hard and unprotected”. You’ll learn so much about human nature, and about girls who just want men to cum inside them and get them pregnant. For college student Allie not just any man hot and unprotected inside of her will do; the only man she wants to fill her with a baby is her billionaire stepbrother. James taunted Allie throughout high school and she lusted over him, all while hating him. There isn’t much in the way of back story here, and what is there is hard to follow and not particularly compelling. Allie is EXTREMELY unlikable, I found myself wishing this was a dual narrative and I could switch to James’ head because he seemed slightly less awful.

Allie has come home from school over Christmas break from college, and her stepbrother who has made himself a billionaire since the last time she saw him- is coming home as well. She’s become a “sophisticated” new woman at college and uses her new wiles to go trolling for D at a local bar where everyone from high school has congregated to get drunk and see who has gotten fat (AKA the best part of winter break). James saves her from getting date raped in a car, she yells at him for it, displays no emotional maturity, and does not get his hot cum inside her before they both part ways.

When Allie and her billionaire stepbrother finally get it on (hard and unprotected) in his swanky penthouse office, she KNOWS that he got her pregnant.

I sighed with ecstasy as I felt my stepbrother’s seed completely fill me. His life giving semen was already finding its way toward my fertile eggs

This books saving grace is that it is short, and that I was in a mood for hate reading when I picked it up, hate reading can be pretty pleasurable. It’s possible this is my top shame read of all time!

PS: I think this has a sequel