Fury, by Laurann Dohner


Grade: C+

Doing it at: 20%

Catnip: Paranormal; Beast-men; Growling; Romantic Ownership

Shame Scale: LOL yes.

Fantasy Cast: N/A

Book Description:

Ellie is horrified to discover the pharmaceutical company she works for is doing illegal experiments. Company scientists have spliced human and animal DNA, creating exotic new species. One such “experiment” captures her heart and she’ll do anything to save him—even if he hates her for it.
Fury has never known compassion or love. He’s spent his life in a cell, chained and abused by humans. The one woman he allowed himself to trust betrayed him. Now he’s free and set on vengeance. He vows to end her life but when she’s finally in his grasp, harming her is the last thing he wants to do to the sexy little human.
Fury can’t resist Ellie—the touch of her hands, her mouth on his skin, her body wrapped around his. He’s obsessed with the scent of his woman. And Ellie wants Fury—always has. She craves his big, powerful body and wants to heal his desolate heart.
But loving Fury is one thing…taming him is another.
Inside Scoop: This story contains the heartrending aftermath of a rape scene involving a captive male. Another scene involves capture and forced touching by a hurt, vengeful Fury.
Reader Advisory: This story has graphic sexual language and scenes – no closed bedroom doors (or other rooms) here!

This was a random library pick. I saw that the library had just bought ten or so books in an erotica series about beast-man hybrids – most of which already had holds on them – and I think my rationalization was something like, “well they wouldn’t have bought so many of them if they’re THAT bad.” Right?

Unfortunately, this was one of the books we used when we had the men doing dramatic erotic readings on our camping trip, and I was unable to get the Batman voice out of my head:

“I won’t hurt you this time. I’ll be more aware of my teeth.” “Stop it,” Ellie panted. Her heart pounded, but she wasn’t afraid, just shocked, and confused ….. “You enjoyed this part.” His rough-feeling palms caressed her inner things, pushed them farther apart, and he licked his full lips. “I brought you pleasure with my mouth.”

Batman voice.

Also, my brain kept seeing Fury, and wanting to go to Furry. Like, the Furries. So then because I grew up with a mom who was into this sort of thing, I kept picturing the completely un-sexy Linda Hamilton/Ron Perlman 1980’s Beauty and the Beast:


And not the kind-of-hot 2015 Beauty and the Beast:chnnlsurf-beautybeast-splsh

Even with all the terrible mental imagery, it was a fun book.

Ellie meets Fury when she is working undercover to find evidence against the pharmaceutical company, Mercile Industries, that created human-animal hybrids for use in horrific drug testing. She rescues him while he is tied down and being raped, by braining his captor with her medical kit, but then frames Fury for the murder in order to keep her cover. While he’s tied down, she can’t help but get aroused by his giant cock – even though it’s in the worst kind of poor taste – and we find out later that he could tell, because he could “smell her arousal.” He obviously was pretty offended. Also – I’m letting the arousal smelling go (usually worthy of heavy eye rolling), since he has heightened animal senses.

A few years later, Fury and Ellie cross paths at the campus that has been built to house the New Species after they were rescued from Mercile, where Ellie now works as basically an RA. Fury has been holding a serious grudge against her for the punishment he received for the murder she framed him for, not knowing that Ellie was actually undercover, and responsible for gathering all the evidence that led to their freedom. First he tries to kill her, but is talked down by his leader, Justice – as it would be terribly bad for their campaign to get the humans to accept them as equal citizens if he was to tear her to pieces in the middle of a meeting. Since killing her is firmly off the table, he then decides to punish her by tying her to his bed and giving her orgasms. LOL Ok.

After their encounter, Fury realizes he has “mated” with Ellie, and has an uncontrollable urge to be around her. For her part, she’s basically in insta-love. Then there’s some plot. Yada yada yada drama, evil bosses, sinister plots, racist rednecks. The action was pretty good, definitely an interesting plot. If you can get past the shame that comes with reading a sex book about a girl and a beast-man, it’s actually fairly engaging and unpredictable.

There’s TONS of doing it. Obviously. Look at the cover. If there wasn’t, I’d have been pretty disappointed.

She cried out again in pleasure, his amazingly rigid cock creating pure ecstasy that gripped her. She’d never experienced that level of sexual magnificence.

One of the marked differences between human males and the New Species, is that the New Species’ giant cocks swell up to the size of their “container” at the moment of ejaculation to lock them into place. This attempted beej scene had me laughing so hard:

“My cock swells. Remember? I’m so damn ready to come right  now that I wouldn’t last a minute. Can you imagine if I swelled inside your mouth?”

She stared at him with dawning comprehension. “Oh. That probably wouldn’t be good, considering you’re already pretty big. I think it would be okay though as long as I stick to the top. “You swell near the base.”

His features relaxed as some of the tension melted away. “Yeah. I’d love for you to do that but don’t turn me on so much next time, the first time we try something. I’m a shooter, Ellie. You can feel me inside you when my semen releases, can’t you? I’d shoot so hard and so much, I’d choke you.”

Blowing him would be put her LIFE in danger, you guys. She’d literally choke to death.

This is the kind of shame-y book that you go into with the understanding and acceptance that it will obviously be ridiculous. You have to just accept that. It’s like going to Epcot. It’s weird, but you just let it all go and enjoy it for what it is. My big complaint: Ellie was the kind of annoying selfless heroine who acts ridiculously unconcerned with her own fate, as long as she can protect the poor hero. For example, when she and Fury meet for the first time after he is freed from Mercile, he is basically going to kill her – but she’s terrified that someone will shoot him:

A distinctive noise cut through the room and Ellie’s eyes widened. She recognized the sound of a shotgun being pumped. She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat, afraid they might shoot him to save her. Damn it. She wouldn’t allow that to happen. All the terror dissipated at her concern for his life. She’d saved him once and she would do it again.

Stop! Whatever you’d do, don’t try and save me!

I’m not sure I’ll be reading more in this series right away, but I absolutely WILL be trying to get my hands on a copy of one of the books in her cyborg erotica series. I’m curious!

Now here are some of the best things that come up when I google image searched robot sex, just for fun. I love the goddamn internet and all the weirdos out there making it NSFW.

robot 2

robot 3

robot 4


Alpha, by Jasinda Wilder


Grade: D+

Doing it at: 65%

Catnip: Well-intentioned Stalkers; Romantic Ownership; Kidnapping; Deep Dark Secrets; Heroines Who React To Creepy Shit Like Literally No One Ever Would; Light Bondage; Butt Stuff; Squirting

Shame Scale: High shame. Cringeworthy dialog, creepy hero. Reading this book definitely hurt my feminist street cred.

Fantasy Casting: Alexander Skarsgard and some blonde

Book Description: 

“The first time it happened, it seemed like an impossible miracle. Bills were piling up, adding up to more money than I could ever make. Mom’s hospital bills. My baby brother’s tuition. My tuition. Rent. Electricity. All of it on my shoulders. And I had just lost my job. There was no hope, no money in my account, no work to be found. And then, just when I thought all hope was lost, I found an envelope in the mail. No return address. My name on the front, my address. Inside was a check, made out to me, in the amount of ten thousand dollars. Enough to pay the bills and leave me some left over to live on until I found a job. Enough to let me focus on classes. There was no name on the check, just “VRI Inc.,” and a post office box address for somewhere in the city. No hint of identity or reason for the check or anything. No mention of repayment, interest, nothing…except a single word, on the notes line: “You.” Just those three letters. 

If you receive a mysterious check, for enough money to erase all your worries, would you cash it? 

I did. 

The next month, I received another check, again from VRI Incorporated. It too contained a single word: “belong.” 

A third check, the next month. This time, two words. Four letters. “To me.” 

The checks kept coming. The notes stopped. Ten thousand dollars, every month. A girl gets used to that, real quick. It let me pay the bills without going into debt. Let me keep my baby brother in school and Mom’s hospice care paid for. How do you turn down what seems like free money, when you’re desperate? You don’t. I didn’t. 

And then, after a year, there was a knock on my door. A sleek black limousine sat on the curb in front of my house. A driver stood in front of me, and he spoke six words: “It’s time to pay your debt.” 

Would you have gotten in?

I did. 

It turns out $120,000 doesn’t come free.”

First page:

“Have a seat, Kyrie”

He said it wrong, as always, pronouncing it Kye-ree.

“My name is Keer-ee,” I couldn’t help correcting him for what must have been the eighteen-thousandth time.

When your book immediately makes me google a Mister Mister song, we’re not off to the best start.

Now then. Jasinda Wilder is a solid B- author in my book. She’s always one to be counted on for a ridiculous plot and solid Alpha men. Her books never knock my socks off, but I find them enjoyable enough. This book tho. The concept was fun, but she didn’t sell the hero well enough to overcome the creepiness. And in terms of consent, I felt like a lot of the book was in a pretty big grey area I wasn’t able to get past.

Kyrie is a young college girl, financially responsible for her mentally ill mother and college-student brother; I never fully understood why her adult brother could not contribute at all, but so it goes in these things. When the book opens, she’s struggling to make ends meet and has just lost a crappy job with a creepy boss. She’s months behind on all of her bills and about to be evicted. She finds a $10,000 check in her mailbox, and cashes it.

I’d probably do the same.

She keeps getting the checks each month, and keeps cashing them. She does not at any point use any of the $120,000 she receives to try to figure out who is sending her this money, by hiring a detective, or even just looking up the company issuing the check with  something like, I don’t know… GOOGLE? Bing maybe? (Is Bing It still a thing?) There is a brief nod to “Oh I can’t read this messy signature,” but she’s not curious enough to use Level I Internet Stalking Skills to look into it. If you can suspend your disbelief for this, then you might enjoy this book.

A year later, a valet shows up and informs her that the debt is being collected, the payment is herself.

Kyrie protests mildly, is told that the choice is to pay back the money or come along, and as that is not really a choice (the money is pretty much gone), she packs a bag and gets in the limo. The valet takes her to NYC, blindfolds her, and delivers her to his employer, Roth. The excuse is that he’s super private, but really, it just felt like a plot device. Anyone with Google could probably have figured out where a years worth of checks were coming from. Anyways, he assures her that he’s not going to force her to have “penetrative” sex with him, that is, until she begs him. He knows almost everything about her because he has had someone following her (and killing would-be attackers lolololol) for several years, and this is insanely creepy but she accepts it pretty easily. Roth then keeps Kyrie blindfolded for about half of the book, and since it’s a romance, her attraction to Roth becomes all-consuming till she is of course, begging him for the D.

And right from the start, there is So. Much. Anal finger-banging. And they don’t bother with any euphemisms. It’s just a straight-up asshole, with a finger in it. No digits, no puckered knot. So, points for bluntness I guess? Here is our hero discussing Kyrie’s reluctance to become emotionally involved.

“I put my finger in your asshole, Kyrie. You don’t get more vulnerable than that. You’re telling me you’d let me do that to you, but you wouldn’t let me make love to you? You’re telling me you don’t want that?”

“I can finger your butt but we can’t MAKE LOVE?”

(Also, make love: I know it’s just a phrase, and every single book uses it, but it’s… kinda cringe-y. Do real people actually say that, and not while goofing around and using silly romance voice? But I digress.)

With most standard romances, they start out with some foreplay, round out the bases, then bring in the butt stuff, but in this one there is so much F in the B before they ever get close to the P in the V, hell, before the blindfold even comes off. It actually felt kind of strange, because they were sticking things up their butts constantly, but never got around to anal sex. Seriously, a book with hilarious lines like this, doesn’t actually have any anal:

“Jesus, Valentine, I haven’t even had coffee yet.” “You don’t need coffee, babe. You just need to take this vibrator up your ass for me.”

And there was this gem, possibly the least appealing line in erotica history:

“His cock was tall and painfully hard, wet with my grool, bobbing as he moved.”

GROOL. (“Please sir, I want some more”) Grool wins the gold medal in the Gross Words For Bodily Fluids Olympics. Sorry Santorum, better luck next time.

All joking about anal fingering aside, my big issue with the book was that it felt a bit rape-y. Roth basically tells her that her choice is to live with him and do whatever he says, or go home and pay him back the money and basically go broke and fail at everything and become a stripper and live a miserable life. That’s not really a choice… And when he pushes her sexually, she frequently says “No,” and then he pushes her to give in with a bunch of “Come on, you know you want it.”

“At every step, with every new thing he asked of me, I fought him. Said no at first, acted like I didn’t want what he intended. Yet I always gave in, always realized I did want it. I did want him.”

“Why have you waited? You said it yourself: You own me. so why not take what is yours?” I watched his eyes, his expression, as he thought about his answer. “Because you deserve better than that. I’ve had a lifetime of meaningless sex. So have you. I want more for you, and from you. I can take a thousand orgasms from you. I can kiss you and touch you and tear your clothes off you, and I don’t need and won’t ask for your permission. But for that? To bring this between us to the next level? I want you to give that to me of your own will. I want to own you completely.”

Cleone and I like our pushy men, but this was too much for me. A man who thinks of you as his property, doesn’t want other men sniffing around, and who would kill anything that harmed you is hot. A man who LITERALLY thinks he owns you and breaks down your psyche until you beg him to stop fingering your asshole without permission and just fuck you already is not.  Coupled with the spidey-sense and arousal smelling, I just wasn’t terribly impressed by this book. The idea was intriguing, but I don’t think she managed to pull it off well enough to overcome the inherent creepiness of the concept. And the dialog was embarrassing and cringeworthy. I’ll leave you with this:

“I traced my fingers over his pectoral muscles, across the ridged wonderland of his abs, and found his manhood. “You have the most amazing cock. For real.”

Text from Cleone: OMG are you reading John Mayer fan fiction???