Priest, by Sierra Simone

Priest

Grade: B-

Doing it at: 47%

Catnip: Man of the Cloth, Stripper With A Heart Of Gold, Forbidden Romance, Outercourse, Just The Tip, Creative Lube, #TeamAnal, #DISP

Shame Scale: All the shame. Ridiculously sexy erotica about a priest and a stripper, with every religious sexual metaphor you could possibly dream up.

What Do We Taste Like?: Sweeter than salvation and communion wine.

Fantasy Cast: James McAvoy, Sophia Bush

Book Description:

There are many rules a priest can’t break. A priest cannot marry. A priest cannot abandon his flock. A priest cannot forsake his God.

I’ve always been good at following rules.

Until she came. Then I learned new rules.

My name is Tyler Anselm Bell. I’m twenty-nine years old. Six months ago, I broke my vow of celibacy on the altar of my own church, and God help me, I would do it again. 

I am a priest and this is my confession.

This was actually my third foray into the world of priest romance. The first was The Thornbirds, when I was approximately 12, and it taught me everything I know about sex that I hadn’t already learned in Clan of the Cave Bear. The second was A Little Too Far, by Lisa Desrochers, and it was extremely disappointing because it was billed as the double trash whammy of a stepbrother/girl/priest love triangle, but there ended up not even being any priest sex. This book though? Had copious, gratuitous, ridiculous priest sex, plus the hottest game of Just The Tip I’ve ever read (and a sweet little romance to boot)

Father Bell is the priest in a rural town outside of St.Louis that reminded me of Tree Hill or Stars Hollow – a nice little community where people go to church and everyone knows everyone. He’s manning the confessional one morning, counting down till get out of there and do things that priest like to do on their afternoons off, like watch The Walking Dead and go jogging while listening to vintage Britney, when Poppy slips into the booth.

She confesses that she’s not Catholic and has never been to confession, but she has been doing Bad Things, and feels like maybe this would help. She doesn’t go into details, but implies that the Bad Things are sexual in nature, and Father Bell immediately gets a boner. He steps out of the booth at the end of her confession to explain penance to Poppy face to face, and he’s all:

mistake 2

Because Poppy is stacked, with big red harlot’s lips, and Father Bell feels tempted for the first time since he took his vows. Father Bell starts thinking about all the Bad Things he wants to do to Poppy, specifically involving his steeple and those big, red lips of hers. He wants to know her. He wants to know her real hard.

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Beautiful Secret, by Christina Lauren

Beautiful Secret

Grade: A+

Doing it at: 75%

Catnip: Office Romance; International Romance; Exquisite Sexual Tension; Divorcee; British Accents; Beta Hero; Outercourse; Dual Narrative

Shame Scale: Low shame, it’s really good! But if you’re reading it in public and someone asks you what you’re reading, you’re definitely going to blush.

Fantasy Cast: Lee Pace; Jennifer Lawrence

Book Description:

AN UPTIGHT BRITISH EXECUTIVE. AN ADVENTUROUS AMERICAN NEWBIE. A SEXY INTERNATIONAL SCANDAL IN THE MAKING. New York Times and #1 internationally bestselling author Christina Lauren’s Beautiful and Wild Seasons series hook up in Beautiful Secret for an erotic intercontinental romp that celebrates the best of both worlds! When Ruby Miller’s boss announces he’s sending her on an extended business trip to New York City, she’s shocked. As one of the best and brightest young engineers in London, she knows she’s professionally up to the task. The part that’s throwing her is where she’ll be spending a month up close and personal working alongside—and staying in a hotel with—Niall Stella, her firm’s top urban planning executive and The Hottest Man Alive. Despite her ongoing crush, Ruby is certain Niall barely knows she’s alive…until their flirty overnight flight makes him sit up and take notice. Not one for letting loose and breaking rules, recently divorced Niall would describe himself as hopeless when it comes to women. But even he knows outgoing California-girl Ruby is a breath of fresh air. Once she makes it her mission to help the sexy Brit loosen his tie, there’s no turning back. Thousands of miles from London, it’s easy for the lovers to play pretend. But when the trip is over, will the relationship they’ve built up fall down?

Ugh, I LOVED this book. Christina Lauren (the Christina Hobbs and Lauren Billings writing duo) books just keep getting better and better. I thought nothing could be hotter than the hot-from-the-start, banging-the-boss boardroom scene in Beautiful Bastard. But then came Ansel, and we LOOOOVE Ansel. He’s a top 3 for us. But this one. I could not put it down. Hey Ladies! Since there’s two of you, maybe you can give us good books twice as fast please?

Remember how it used to feel to meet a guy and spend weeks making out and feeling each other up, back before you became an adult who has sex on the first date? Not that we’re ladies who race to the finish line or anything… This book brought us back to that place. Where waiting is more exciting than not waiting. Cleone and I went absolutely post-midnight texting bonkers over it. (Spoilers, #sorrynotsorry)

Cleone: They haven’t even done anything and this book is hot.

Mary: I KNOW.

The doin it isn’t until like 75%, but I didn’t miss it at all

What part are you at? When they’re on the subway, and he’s all crotch in her face…

C: Not there yet!!!

Only at 30%

M: This book is the total opposite of Dirty Rowdy Thing And I LOVED it

C: He just came to her hotel room and they’re both a little tipsy. I’m pausing to tell you how hot it is.

M: Oh god, did he *just* get there, or has he been there a few min?

HOW FAR ARE YOU I NEED TO KNOW

C: Just got there. I’m going to pee and go back in.

M: Ok. Cheers. Enjoy.

C: I’ll report back.

That was so hot. I’m so tired but I want to keep reading

M: I couldn’t stop. I had to finish it.

C: I’m giving myself till 1

I can’t read this knowing I’ll never have sex again

M: Oh stop 🙂

Did you get to the subway part?

C: Yes. And I just read him masturbating and recording it, so I’m dead

M: Did you read what he did with it? T

his book is so hot, I don’t even understand it

All they’re doing is like looking at each other and brushing up against each other

C: I think he’s sending it to her?

M: JUST WAIT Oh my god, you can’t go to bed.

C: It’s that old school thing. All the flirting.

I’m so hungry, if I don’t go to sleep I’ll have to fetch food.

M: There’s the taped fap fap, then some lipstick, gahhhhh it’s so good!

C: Fuck. I’m reading 20 more minutes and I’ll see where I’m at.

M: I don’t know what it was about the subway.

When he was just standing there with a half chub. That was one of my top 10 hottest book moments

C: It’s because we love bulges.

This book is so hot Seriously.

Fuck. I have to go to sleep. Damnit.

Hand jobs are super hot

Ok, I’m going to sleep. They’re quite fond of each other. Fingering is super hot. SEE PEOPLE STILL DO IT

Giving blow jobs in offices is also HOT

Wake up already and talk to me about this book

He is NOT going to talk to his ex wife about getting back together.

I have to go to breakfast. I’m going to punch everything

M: That book! Do you love it?

C: I love it so fucking much.

I read most of it, through reunion and now I’m going to finish the last like ten pages then head out.

Niall Stella is the hottest.

Oh, you’re barely in the door, I’d like to eat you out on the floor now

Ruby is an engineering intern at an urban planning firm in London. She’s had a crush on Niall Stella, one of the firm’s VP’s for months – but he doesn’t notice she’s exists until they’re assigned to travel to NY together to attend a month long conference. They’re both painfully awkward around each other – her because of her long-time crush, him because he’s a recent divorcee (his ex is named Portia, the perfect name for a shrewish British ex-wife) with almost no experience with women. He’s the anti-ladies man. Married at 19 to his high school sweetheart, Niall has only been with one woman – and can I tell you how refreshing this is? I ADORE a good beta hero.

They share an awkward-cute flight from London to NY – she falls asleep and drools on his shoulder, he peeks at her diary – culminating in the most endearingly awkward skirt-tucked-in-g-string wardrobe malfunction. By the time they arrive, Niall has taken full notice of Ruby, and they tentatively start to banter and flirt. Ruby eventually admits that she’s had a crush on Niall forever, and Niall admits that he wants her, he just isn’t sure of what he wants to do with those feelings.

The action in this one is so. deliciously. slooooow. Words. Looks. Lingering touches. Niall wants to go slow. He wants to be in love when he has sex, and awww, you guys! But it’s not a prudish book. For a book that takes it’s time to get to the doing it, I’d argue that it’s one of the sexiest books I’ve read in months. Basically 75% of the book is foreplay, and it’s amazing. Think outercourse that will have you reaching for some ice water, and the best use of lipstick as a prop pretty much ever.

Most of the action in this one is from Niall’s perspective – a subtle detail that somehow makes this all so much hotter, maybe because he’s so repressed and this is his sexual awakening of sorts? And oh my gawd can these ladies write a sex scene:

I could feel the tension building in my thighs, the need to shove up and fuck, and take, and let go. I could feel this raw beast, clawing out of me, wanting sex like I’d never had but always needed: uninhibited and sweaty and hard.

She watched as I began to lose my mind, lose my heart. I didn’t know myself in this moment: this man who kneeled between her legs and held her hips in my hands to keep from fucking her across the floor.

I hardly recognized the man who told her,

Watch Look right where I’m fucking you

You’re soaked so wet so soft

Fucking hell you’re so warm and wet you feel fucking perfect

BRB, I’ve got to go wash my hair. Buy this book.

*Note from Cleone: Please buy and read this, the flirting and the jean jamming and the everything but doin’ it is the sexiest thing I’ve read in ages. Plus it gave me feels. You will not regret Niall!

Check it out on Amazon: