Bad Boy Daddy, by Chance Carter

bad boy daddy

Grade: D+ (A+)

Doing it at: 14%

Catnip: Motorcycles, Tattoos, Bad to the Bone, Hard and Unprotected, Intentional Pregnancy, #TeamAnal, Butt Stuff, Dual Narrative, Book Shame, Male Author, So Bad it’s Good, Red Hot Burning Shame, But It Was 99 Cents…

Shame Scale: Red Hot Burning Shame. Like this is essentially the epitome of a shame book. Look at that cover! Blue Steel! And the writing is over the top and unintentionally hilarious.

Fantasy Cast: Ian Somerhalder, Claire Holt

Book Description:

He wanted a baby. I needed a man.

Faith
The first time I saw Jackson, I hated his guts. He was everything I could never have. Pure, panty-wetting, manhood. And I was trapped in a loveless relationship with his worst enemy. I never would have dreamed he craved my womb so badly he was willing to do anything for it.

Jackson
My father’s death taught me a lot of things. Most importantly, I needed a child. I had to have a son before my enemies caught up with me. So when Faith came begging for protection, I knew exactly what I wanted. I yearned for her body. Lust raged through me like a wildfire. I longed to make her pregnant with my child. I gave her an offer she couldn’t refuse. A life for a life. My protection, in exchange for everything she had to offer. I’d die for her, but she would give me a son.

I took her womb. I never suspected she’d take my heart.


Cleone: Mary and I were still battling fierce The Play book hangovers this weekend, and looking for a new book to buddy read. She was at a boring party (at her own house) and I was lying in bed doing what I always do on Saturday nights (going to bed before 11 pm), when we decided to tackle Bad Boy Daddy. In no way do we regret this decision. This book is so bad that it looped right around and became good again.

Mary: We picked this one up awhile ago because it was 99 cents and had an A+ cover and title combo. It rivals Knocked Up By The Bad Boy in terms of level of cheese. But we hadn’t gotten around to it, and lately it feels like we’ve strayed from our roots, sticking to books from our tried and true authors and avoiding the occasional over-the-top cheap romance from someone we’ve never heard of before (Step Beast I promise I’ll get to you soon!). There have been a ton of new releases this fall we’ve been really excited about, and Cleone got a stupid new JOB so she doesn’t have as much time to waste on books that might not be all that great. But we had a book hangover, and we needed a palate cleanser, and fuck it, why not.

Bad boy daddy 1

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Mystery Man, by Kristen Ashley

Mystery Man

Grade: B-

Doing it at: 44%

Catnip: Alpha Hero, Funny Heroine, Motorcycles, Shitty Siblings, Smoking Hot Ex-Military Guy, Kidnapping

Shame Scale: Low shame. This one has a great heroine with a backbone and a sense of humor, and a lot of solid plot.

Fantasy Cast:  Édgar Ramírez, Reese Witherspoon

Book Description:

Night time is the right time…

Gwendolyn Kidd has met the man of her dreams. He’s hot, he’s sexy, and what started as a no-names-exchanged night of passion has blossomed into a year and a half-long pleasure fest. Sure, it’s a little strange that he only appears in her bed at night, but Gwen is so sure he’s the one, she just can’t turn him away… 

Hawk Delgado knows more about Gwen than she could ever imagine. She’s gorgeous, headstrong, and skittish about relationships. But Hawk is facing his own demons, demons that keep him from connecting with anyone. Yet when Gwen is drawn into Denver’s lethal underground scene, Hawk’s protective nature comes out full force. The problem is, when Gwen gets a dose of Hawk’s Alpha attitude in the daylight, she’s not so sure he’s the one anymore….


This was my first Kristen Ashley book, I’d heard great things about her, but never got around to reading anything because her books were all always checked out of the library. I know, it’s a terrible excuse. But I’ve had Mystery Man on my wish list for over a year, and when C got a bajillion Amazon gift cards this summer, she went on a book buying spree and I put in a request for this one.

Because a mystery lover who sneaks into my room in the middle of the night and fucks me back to sleep is right up there on my fantasy list, along with having a 23 year old Dominican boyfriend, and being in the middle of a Tom Hardy/Matt Bomer sandwich.

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It Ain’t Me Babe, by Tillie Cole

it aint me babe

Grade: A

Doing it at: 64%

Catnip: Motorcycles, He’s Basically a Criminal, Opposites Attract, Cults, Sexual Healing, Bathtub Sex

Shame Scale: It’s a romance between a guy from an MC and a girl from a crazy religious cult, but it feels Real, so low shame. Plus that cover is kind of fetch, right?

Fantasy Cast: Jared Padalecki, Alexis Bledel

Book Description:

Sinning never felt so good…

A fortuitous encounter.

A meeting that should never have happened.

Many years ago, two children from completely different worlds forged a connection, a fateful connection, an unbreakable bond that would change their lives forever…

Salome knows only one way to live—under Prophet David’s rule. In the commune she calls home, Salome knows nothing of life beyond her strict faith, nor of life beyond the Fence—the fence that cages her, keeps her trapped in an endless cycle of misery. A life she believes she is destined to always lead, until a horrific event sets her free.

Fleeing the absolute safety of all she has ever known, Salome is thrust into the world outside, a frightening world full of uncertainty and sin; into the protective arms of a person she believed she would never see again.

River ‘Styx’ Nash knows one thing for certain in life—he was born and bred to wear a cut. Raised in a turbulent world of sex, Harleys, and drugs, Styx, unexpectedly has the heavy burden of the Hades Hangmen gavel thrust upon him, and all at the ripe old age of twenty-six—much to his rivals’ delight.

Haunted by a crushing speech impediment, Styx quickly learns to deal with his haters. Powerful fists, an iron jaw and the skillful use of his treasured German blade has earned him a fearsome reputation as a man not to be messed with in the shadowy world of outlaw MC’s. A reputation that successfully keeps most people far, far away.

Styx has one rule in life—never let anyone get too close. It’s a plan that he has stuck to for years, that is, until a young woman is found injured on his lot… a woman who looks uncannily familiar, a woman who clearly does not belong in his world, yet a woman he feels reluctant to let go…


Cleone: Wanna hear a super cat-nippy synopsis? Bad boy motorcycle club (MC) president, who is mostly mute because he has a stutter, falls hard for a girl who has escaped from a crazy polygamous religious sex cult and heals her with his cock. It’s got EVERYTHING.

Mary: Cleone was telling me about this great book she was reading, something like:

C: “The hero has a stutter but he’s super Alpha.”

M: “So he’s like, s-s-suck my c-c-c-cock?”

C: “Yeah basically, but it’s really doing it for me.”

I pretty much had to read it with her after that. Also, apparently I bought all these books without even realizing it. #Problems.

C: I was reading a book recs thread on Joanna Wylde’s facebook group page (my whole life is trash books), and Souls Unfractured was mentioned about thirty times. A quick search revealed it was already in our library and another search told me that Mary had one-clicked all three of these, so I (for once!) decided to do the whole series in order. I’m so glad I did.

M: I didn’t even realize these books were a series. They kept popping up all over and I thought it was the same book, and I kept thinking, “I could have sworn that I already bought that, but oh well, must not have.*Click*”

I did this three times.

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Racing the Sun, by Karina Halle

racing the sun

Grade: A+

Doing it at: 53%

Catnip: Italian Stallion, A Foreign Affair, The Nanny, Jane Eyre, Italian Pillow Talk, Banging the Boss, Lady Boner, Motorcycles, Sexual Healing

Shame Scale: Zero. Zero shame.

Fantasy Cast: All the people we were thinking of for this one came up shy. But this all pretty much nails it.

What do we taste like?: So sweet. Dolce.

What does he taste like?: Like the honey tones of scotch and of faded smoke and mint

Book Description:

It’s time for twenty-four-year-old Amber MacLean to face the music. After a frivolous six months of backpacking through New Zealand, Australia, and Southeast Asia, she finds herself broke on the Mediterranean without enough money for a plane ticket home to California. There are worse places to be stuck than the gorgeous coastline of southern Italy, but the only job she manages to secure involves teaching English to two of the brattiest children she’s ever met.

It doesn’t help that the children are under the care of their brooding older brother, Italian ex-motorcycle racer Desiderio Larosa. Darkly handsome and oh-so-mysterious, Derio tests Amber’s patience and will at every turn—not to mention her hormones.

But when her position as teacher turns into one as full-time nanny at the crumbling old villa, Amber finds herself growing closer to the enigmatic recluse and soon has to choose between the safety of her life back in the States and the uncertainty of Derio’s closely guarded heart.


CleoneWe love Karina Halle. Mary and I think she’d be fun to get drunk with and *semi* stalk her on social media. So, we’d been greatly anticipating this release.

image

Mary: I have the hugest fantasy friend crush on Karina Halle. She has a gorgeous instagram feed that’s a joy to follow, and it’s nice to feel like you know something about the person writing the stories you love. And her books sound like love letters to places we really want to visit. The travel writing is incredibly evocative, and this one transported me straight to coastal Italy.

Her heroines are the most relatable women ever, they remind me of some of my closest friends – with the lusting and the swearing, and their life choices in general, and Halle manages to capture the feelings of being in your 20’s like no one else. And Christ, she writes the hottest men. Karina – I love your taste in fantasy men! We’d have so much fun texting each other! Do you want to join mine and Cleone’s group text? We send each other funny screen shots, and creeper pics of hot meter men and kindergarten teachers and playground dads. I think you’d love it. Also – I feel like I can say this Karina, because I don’t know you IRL: your husband is kind of a fox.

C: Karina, if you’re reading this and Mary’s fangirling is creeping you out, I can promise to keep her 100 feet away from you at all times.

M: I was really looking forward to this book. It’s the follow-up to Where Sea Meets Sky, which was fantastic (emphatic recommendation from the Bookshame Ladies). This book picks up with Amber, after she leaves Josh and Gemma in New Zealand.

C: Amber has been backpacking across Europe, staying in hostels and keeping a travel blog, trying to prolong returning to her life in the states for as long as possible. She’s made it to Positano, Italy (google it, Italy is beautiful and we should all move there), where due to funds she finds she can travel no more. She doesn’t even have enough money to buy a plane ticket home. Amber is spunky, and funny, and hapless at times. I liked her immediately:

And so here is Positano. I’d been so busy closing my eyes and praying that I’d never really gotten a good look at the town.

It’s fucking charming.

C: Girls who swear copiously are girls after our own hearts.

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Knocked Up by the Bad Boy, by Vanessa Waltz

Knocked Up by the Bad Boy

Grade: C+

Doing it at: 23%

Catnip: Mafia; Motorcycles; He’s Basically A Criminal; Italian Pillow Talk; Accidental Pregnancy; Papa Don’t Preach; Sex at the OB’s; #LikeABoss; Dick-Dazzling

Shame Scale: Pretty high shame. Can you picture yourself reading this one at your in-laws, and having to answer someone who asks what you’re reading?

Fantasy Cast: Vincent Piazza; Nina Dobrev

Book Description:

The last thing I need is a wife and kid.

The only settling down I do is at night, when I take a girl home to f*ck. I get laid to unwind from the chaos in my life. I live to hear them scream my name, but one night is all they get.

One night was all I needed.

Until I knocked up Maya.

It was supposed to be one night. But one wild night made me want another, and another. I’m addicted to every inch of her body. Now that I have her, I can’t let her go. I thought I never wanted a family, but now I can’t imagine life without one.

Only, there’s a problem.

Her father wants me dead.

I didn’t know she was his daughter.
I don’t give a damn.
She’s mine. Our child is mine. I protect what’s mine.
Even if it means war.


Knocked Up by the Bad Boy is just the kind of book I needed to accompany my last day of work/frantic vacation packing. The kind of book where there might be a few surprises, but the title gives you all the major plot points. There’s a bad boy, and he’s going to get someone pregnant. Odds are excellent that there won’t be any emotional hangover, and you probably won’t have to pay attention too hard to follow the story. Bonus: books with the best titles usually have some of the best trash lines. In that respect, this book did not disappoint.

When I read this book, I had just finished watching The Wedding Planner (Find me a woman who didn’t like this movie and I’ll show you a liar), so I couldn’t get the image of Justin Chambers’s ridiculous Italian accent out of my head when I was trying to picture our hero, Johnny. Johnny is a mafia boss. The mafia of Montreal. Totes not joking. I love the idea of there being a big powerful Italian mafia in a French-Canadian city.

I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse, eh? 

Or maybe, Leave the gun, take the Tim Hortons. 

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A Pound of Flesh, by Sophie Jackson

A Pound of Flesh

Grade: B-

Doing it at: 58%

Catnip: Prisoner (Of Your Love); Ex-Con; Teacher-Student; Tattoos; Motorcycles; He’s Basically A Criminal; FanFic; Forbidden Romance; Red Hot Burning Shame; #FelonCrushFriday

Shame Scale: This would be low to medium shame, as it’s a pretty standard romance with lots of sex but a cover that could pass for nonfiction – except it’s TWILIGHT FANFICTION so I think we can safely go with Red Hot Burning Shame.

Fantasy Cast: Jay Ryan, Bryce Dallas Howard

What do we taste like: There were no words. “Perfection” seemed insanely inadequate

Book Description:

Orange Is the New Black meets Jennifer Probst’s New York Times bestselling Marriage to a Billionaire trilogy, featuring a strong-minded prison tutor who discovers that her sexy bad-boy student is far more than he appears to be.

Haunted by nightmares of her father’s street murder fifteen years ago, Kat Lane decides to face her fears and uphold his legacy of helping others by teaching inmates at a New York prison. There she meets arrogant Wesley Carter, who’s as handsome as he is dangerous, as mysterious as he is quick-witted, and with a reputation that ensures people will keep their distance.

As teacher and student, Kat and Carter are forced to leave their animosities at the door and learn that one should never judge a book by its cover. As Carter’s barriers begin to crumble, Kat realizes there’s much more to her angry student than she thought, leaving them to face a new, perilous obstacle: their undeniable attraction to one another.

When Carter is released and Kat continues to tutor him on the outside, the obstacles mount. Can they fight the odds to make their relationship work? Will Kat’s family and friends ever accept her being with someone of his background? And will Kat’s discovery of Carter’s role on the night her father died force them apart forever…or unite them?

So, I preordered this book on a whim. I had some money on a gift card that wasn’t tied to my regular budget so it basically felt like Monopoly money, and this book said fanfic. Fanfic books are total catnip for me – I read Anna Todd’s entire After series, and was at least 800 pages into it before Cleone informed me that it was motherfucking One Direction fanfiction. (You’re goddamn right I finished the series. It’s my greatest Shame of all.) This book? Is Twilight fan fiction. And that big orange 4.5 Million Online Reads! circle on the cover drew me in like the blue ribbon on a PBR can. Everyone else likes it right??? I am a marketing woman’s dream. Give something an obscure award, I’ll probably trust that I should buy it.

My initial problem with this book was that it’s about Carter, a surly prisoner and Kat, his tutor, and all the descriptions of Carter kept reinforcing my traitor brain’s assertion that Carter is the Hot Convict Jeremy Meeks, of the #FelonCrushFriday fame:

He was fine to look at with his buzz cut; wide, strong shoulders; two days’ worth of stubble; and long legs that stuck out from underneath the desk, but his attitude made him sharp around the edges. There was a dangerous aura around him that screamed No entry. She noted a lick of black ink poking out from the collar of his coveralls, curving up his neck.

His attitude made her want to rip the smug smile off his pretty face. And what a pretty face it was. The lashes that framed his baby blues were sickeningly long, lying on cheekbones that were sharp yet masculine. His mouth was plump in all the right places and puckered when he conjured up his smirk.

In other words, exactly like this:

meeks meme

I don’t know why by brain was so determined to ruin this book for me, but I worked really hard to get past it by looking at lots and lots of pictures of Jay Ryan, because the man can work a good scowl, and looks like he could play a pretty good prisoner.

jay ryan prisoner 2

The book itself is a semi-standard, highly emotional romance. Kat works at a prison teaching English Literature classes to inmates. She’s from a wealthy political family, and took the job as a way to do some good in the world (Her mom is less than trilled with her career choice). Carter is in jail for cocaine possession, and needs to take classes as part of his bid for parole. English Literature is the only class left that he has yet to be kicked out of, but he quickly remedies that on the second day of class by acting like an agro asshole and throwing a desk against the wall. Even though Carter has been nothing but obnoxious and stand-offish to Kat, she still feels that strange electric je ne sais quoi around him, and volunteers to tutor him one on one on her own time (for free, crazy girl), so he will have a shot at his parole.

Carter realizes that he has a traumatic childhood connection to Kat (I’m not going to spoil the secret, you’re going to have to read this one if you want to know, but it’s bananas). As their tutoring sessions progress, Kat finds herself becoming inappropriately attracted to Carter, and Carter is becoming obsessed as well. When he is eventually granted parole, they continue their tutoring sessions unchaperoned, and the romance between them grows even though Kat could lose her job and face legal charges for getting involved with Carter.

The sexual tension between the two is great – the forbidden romance aspect was really working for me. I love a book with an explosive home run, and this book did not disappoint. And Jackson strikes a good balance between plot and sex. There’s plenty of doing it in this one, without neglecting the story.

The story is pretty engaging, there are a lot of outside forces working against the couple – legal ramifications, family pressure, malicious villains, Carter’s old friends who are still involved in criminal activities. Because it was an impulse buy, I honestly thought that this book was going to be the first in a series and not a stand alone. So even up through the epilogue, I was all, “Wait for it, wait for it…” I was convinced that something was going to come back and muck things up for our couple like a horror movie villain who won’t die. So in a way, the ending was a total surprise for me since it was not actually a cliffhanger, and I fucking love it when a romance novel surprises me.

Overall, this was an enjoyable read, if a tad heavy and overwrought at times. I’ll definitely be picking up the next in the series, which features Carter’s friend Max.

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Badass: A Stepbrother SEAL Romance, by Linda Barlow & Alana Albertson

badass

Grade: D+

Doing it at: 11%

Catnip: One Night Stand; Alpha; Motorcycles; Stepsiblings: Not Quite Incest; Mexico; Road Trip; Not Really That Forbidden To Be Honest; Dual Narrative; Men in Uniform; But it was 99 cents

Shame Scale: The cover is maybe less shameful than the actual writing in this one.

Fantasy Cast: Jeremy Renner and Lindsay Lohan

What do we taste like: She tasted sweet and spicy, like cinnamon and chocolate

Book Description:

I f**ked a SEAL—the human kind, the kind who shoots terrorists, sports rock hard abs and tattooed biceps, and scores an easy lay with every girl he ever wants.

I should’ve known better. I should be studying harbor seals’ native habits, not conducting my own research into mating rituals of the Navy variety.

He’s a jackass. A bad boy. An arrogant, womanizing, patronizing, Harley-riding jerk.

A one-night stand. One night of the most incredible sex I’ve ever had. Shane is trained to kill with his bare hands in 300 different ways—and he knows 300 ways to f**k me, too.

Now my father is engaged to his mother. And we’re heading to Mexico for the wedding. He’s threatening to ruin their big day if I don’t surrender to his demands.

Quit is not in his vocabulary. I hate him, but I know he’ll never give up until he gets everything he wants.

Screw that! I won’t give up—I’ll never submit to America’s cockiest badass.

I had just read three books in a row that gave me serious feels (About Last Night, Beautiful Secret, and a joint Ugly Love reread with Mary) and I wanted something light and trashy and strictly fun. You might have noticed that the Shame Girls like Stepbrother romances and when this one popped up for 99 cents, I added it to the library with the message to Mary and Paperback Purist that we DESERVE this. Maybe my hopes were too high, but this book let me down.

Cassie is down on the beach, admiring sea lions in their natural habitats, because she’s a marine biology student (she has a brain, guys, don’t forget it) and admiring the cocky guy who is about to do a night dive on his lonesome. She sees a baby sea lion who appears to be in distress and after realizing he has a piece of plastic wrapped around his neck wades in to save him. Shane sees her messing around with the baby and notices that a very angry mama sea lion is headed towards her. He rushes in, throws her over his shoulder and spirits her to shore. We’ve switched to his perspective and he’s immediately in cave man speak over Cassie, he wants to plow her plump ass and watch her red hair spill around his dick while she sucks it. So, in a not at all douche move, he tells her that he won’t report her to the marine animal police or what have you as long as she fucks him. And Cassie agrees to this with very very little outrage because he’s hot and he told her to, I guess.

I’d seen marine animals go into a mating frenzy — sharks went nuts sometimes– violent fucking that left blood in the water. If he– what did he say his name was, Shane? — if Shane was a shark, then I was a goner, because I needed that fat, hard dick inside me in the worst way.

Shane and Cassie go back to his apartment and have a lot of sex. With a break between rounds two and three for a burger at the local dive bar. Cassie leaves before morning, and Shane goes off to the Middle East with his SEAL squad (I don’t know if squad is the right term, but go with it) for nine months.

Cassie had left him her number, hopefully, and is pissed that he never called. She wished she could forget him , but the sex was so hot that she can not get him out her head. And her dating life isn’t so hopping since she’s so busy in school learning about whales and coral reefs and such. But her Dad’s love life is on point and he asks her to come to fancy dinner with him, his new girlfriend, and her son who is just back from a tour in the Middle East. Cassie had no clue he was a SEAL and was pretty shocked when Shane shows up to dinner. With a shitty attitude towards their parents and some heavy innuendo towards her.

Why Shane has this giant chip on his shoulder and thinks that everyone looks down on him, I could not figure out. Are elite military servicemen considered to be bad guys? Do fathers really not want their daughters marrying the patriotic gents fighting for our country? This is ‘Murica! When Cassie’s dad and Shane’s mom announce they’re getting married in Baja it doesn’t go over well and Cassie tells Shane they can never have sex again because they’re going to be stepsiblings. Again, I do not get this line of thinking. They’re in their twenties, they weren’t raised together, this isn’t incestuous. But, whatever she’s striving to be unanimous in this, and he’s all “the only way I will play nice and go to this wedding is if we go together and you be my sex slave the whole way down.” And Cassie is all “SIGH. YOLO. PUT IT IN ME.”

The actual trip to Baja took some seriously unexpected turns. I was imagining it would just be lots of sex, tenderness turning into love, and their parents accepting that their kids had also found true love. Maybe even a double wedding on a Mexican beach for good measure. Way crazier stuff than that happened. There’s a lot of action and if stepsibling romances are your thing I don’t want to spoil it for you, because this may not be the best book ever but its trashy and fun with plenty of sex. And that might be just your bag, baby. However, I do want to share two amazing (non ruining) quotes out of this one:

If I ran out I could hold my breath for five minutes – a useful skill for stalking pirates. Also came in handy when eating pussy.

Swoon. Our Real American Hero.

I had an idea for a present for Cassie – my dick in a box.

And a Lonely Island fan! What’s not to like?

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