Heat Wave, by Karina Halle

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 Grade: A

Doing it at: 57%

Catnip: May-December Romance, Older Man, Aussies, Calgon Take Me Away, Dead Ex, Mild Hardship Porn, Forbidden Romance, Food Porn, The Other Sister, My Dead Sister’s Husband, Ocean Sex, #DISP

Shame Scale: Why are we even rating this anymore? You know we’re completely shameless. Plus this one has a gorgeous cover.

Fantasy Cast:  Hugh Jackman, Brie Larson

What does he feel like?: Like velvet steel, and silky to touch

Book Description:


They say when life closes one door, another one opens.
This door happens to lead to paradise.
And a man I can never, ever have.

Still grieving the loss of her sister who died two years ago, the last thing Veronica “Ronnie” Locke needed was to lose her job at one of Chicago’s finest restaurants and have to move back in with her parents. So when a window of opportunity opens for her – running a kitchen at a small Hawaiian hotel – she’d be crazy not to take it.

The only problem is, the man running the hotel drives her crazy:
Logan Shephard.
It doesn’t matter that he’s got dark brown eyes, a tall, muscular build that’s sculpted from daily surfing sessions, and a deep Australian accent that makes your toes curl.
What does matter is that he’s a grump.
Kind of an asshole, too.
And gets under Ronnie’s skin like no one else.

But the more time Ronnie spends on the island of Kauai, falling in love with the lush land and its carefree lifestyle, the closer she gets to Logan. And the closer she gets to Logan, the more she realizes she may have pegged him all wrong. Maybe it’s the hot, steamy jungles or the invigorating ocean air, but soon their relationship becomes utterly intoxicating.

There’s just one major catch.

The two of them together would incite a scandal neither Ronnie, nor her family, would ever recover from.


Mary: Hey there! How’s your 2016 going? Anything like ours?

dumpster-fire

We wrote a little ditty about it. Just hum ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’:

Prince died, Mrs. Brady, Phife Dawg, David Bowie
Alan Rickman, Leonard Cohen, Muhammad Ali
George Michael, George Martin, Nancy Reagan, Gene Wilder
Miss Cleo, and my dad, Leia and Harper Lee
Donald Trump and Mike Pence, Gary Johnson, Conservatives
Endless wars, Police shootings, Brexit, Misogyny
Diarrhea, Raging Periods, Alzheimers, Christmas Plagues
Gawker’s Gone, Rats in cars, Fuck off 2016
 
We didn’t light this dumpster
It was always burning since the world’s been turning
We didn’t light this dumpster
No, we didn’t light it, but we tried to fight it

 

M: What a fucking shitty year this has been, amiright?

C: My 2016 has actually not been as bad as my 2010-2015, but I feel physically scared to say that out loud-like the 2016 boogey man is lurking for me.

M: If ever there was a year to lose yourself in some romance books, 2016 would be it. So let us tell you all about this dreamy book set in Hawaii, inspired by paradise and Hugh Jackman at his hottest. And to those who have tried to tell me that Hugh Jackman isn’t hot, I counter with Australia.
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M: I would do terrible things for some of that fresh creamery butter.

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American Queen, by Sierra Simone

american-queen

Grade: B+

Doing it at: 38%

Catnip: MMF, Presidential Plowing, May-December Romance, Dom in Chief, Psychics, All the Angles of the Triangle, Powerful Men, Magical Realism, Arthurian Lore

Shame Scale: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Fantasy Cast:  Gigi Hadid, Tom Hiddleston, Lee Pace

Book Description:


It starts with a stolen kiss under an English sky, and it ends with a walk down the aisle. It starts with the President sending his best friend to woo me on his behalf, and it ends with my heart split in two. It starts with buried secrets and dangerous desires…and ends with the three of us bound together with a hateful love sharper than any barbed wire.

My name is Greer Galloway, and I serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States.

This is the story of an American Queen.


Cleone: It’s here guys! Super Tuesday is finally here, and we survived the election campaign onslaught, and the circus that is our country. And our reward? Our reward is the banana-pants-super-filthy-delightful American Queen.

Mary: This was not only the M/M/F election themed book we needed, it was the one we deserved.

C: Mary read this one about two days ahead of me (I am slow, it is an eternal shame and sadness) and was essentially dying for me to catch up to her. I didn’t quite understand her urgency, but holy shit, everybody hie thee to the book buying emporium of your choice and get this book.

M: I was texting random people about this book just so I didn’t spoil it for her and it was SO HARD. Also, this was the first book I’ve gotten Cleone to read where the M’s are next to each other and not separated by an F. I maybe didn’t mention this at all in the hopes that I could trick her into reading it, because I’ve been trying to get her to read M/M for forever.

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This is the newest from Sierra Simone, who wrote one of my absolute favorite filthy books of 2015: Priest. Remember that one? The one where they got cum on the altar cloth and used sacred oils as anal lube? At this point she’s got me, I’ll literally buy anything she writes.

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