Collared, by Nicole Williams

collared

Grade: D for no D

Doing it at: There’s some implied N/A

Catnip: Boy Next Door, Man of the Cloth, Forbidden Romance, Nonsexual Healing, Lovers to Best Friends

Shame Scale: Yawn, no shame.

Fantasy Cast: Sam Palladio and I don’t care

Book Description:

When a seventeen-year-old girl vanishes,
A community is shaken. 
Parents turn desperate. 
Friends hold vigils. 
And the boy who loves her searches.

When a year goes by,
The community is recovering. 
Parents feel hopeless.
Friends feel helpless. 
And the boy who loves her continues his search. 

When ten years go by, 
The community has forgotten. 
Parents cling to the past. 
Friends move toward the future. 
And the boy who loves her . . . 

Brings her home. 

Jade Childs spent ten years in captivity, but now that she’s back, the real battle for survival begins. The media shadows her. Flashbacks haunt her. Her old life evades her. Her so-called new life rejects her. She spent too many years in the dark to recognize the light. She spent too long repressing her feelings to remember how to express them. She spent a decade abandoning hope and cannot dare letting it back into her life. Jade’s not just defined by what happened to her—she’s collared to it. 

When the twenty-seven-year-old woman is found, 
A community wants to know the story,
Parents want to forget the story,
Friends want to be a part of the story,
And the man who still loves her faces the greatest challenge yet: letting her go. 


Ok so maybe my mind just goes there, but when I saw this new book called “Collared,” I was thinking like…

bondage-collar-and-leash

And the book description is all Cleveland Abduction meets Boy-Next-Door-Second-Chance-Romance. Basically the 1-Click Train to Catnip City. I moved it to the top of my TBR pile and dove right in.

Spoiler filled review to follow. Seriously, don’t read any part of this if you plant to read the book. I’m just going to tell you the whole plot and all the twists and ruin it completely for you.

The book jumps in right after Torrin and Jade have finished saving themselves for marriage like Britney and Justin. They’re high school sweethearts, he’s the boy next door. Her dad is the chief of police and she’s late for curfew, so after a bit of plot about his family that ultimately means nothing because it’s never brought up again, he walks her home. There’s a sweet bit here where he asks her to marry him and aww teen love. Then Torrin watches her walk to her door (so her dad won’t see him), and heads back to his house.

This is when a creepy van pulls up, she goes over like an idiot to give some directions, and is promptly abducted. (Don’t be mad. I’m not victim blaming, this is just a book.)

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Priest, by Sierra Simone

Priest

Grade: B-

Doing it at: 47%

Catnip: Man of the Cloth, Stripper With A Heart Of Gold, Forbidden Romance, Outercourse, Just The Tip, Creative Lube, #TeamAnal, #DISP

Shame Scale: All the shame. Ridiculously sexy erotica about a priest and a stripper, with every religious sexual metaphor you could possibly dream up.

What Do We Taste Like?: Sweeter than salvation and communion wine.

Fantasy Cast: James McAvoy, Sophia Bush

Book Description:

There are many rules a priest can’t break. A priest cannot marry. A priest cannot abandon his flock. A priest cannot forsake his God.

I’ve always been good at following rules.

Until she came. Then I learned new rules.

My name is Tyler Anselm Bell. I’m twenty-nine years old. Six months ago, I broke my vow of celibacy on the altar of my own church, and God help me, I would do it again. 

I am a priest and this is my confession.

This was actually my third foray into the world of priest romance. The first was The Thornbirds, when I was approximately 12, and it taught me everything I know about sex that I hadn’t already learned in Clan of the Cave Bear. The second was A Little Too Far, by Lisa Desrochers, and it was extremely disappointing because it was billed as the double trash whammy of a stepbrother/girl/priest love triangle, but there ended up not even being any priest sex. This book though? Had copious, gratuitous, ridiculous priest sex, plus the hottest game of Just The Tip I’ve ever read (and a sweet little romance to boot)

Father Bell is the priest in a rural town outside of St.Louis that reminded me of Tree Hill or Stars Hollow – a nice little community where people go to church and everyone knows everyone. He’s manning the confessional one morning, counting down till get out of there and do things that priest like to do on their afternoons off, like watch The Walking Dead and go jogging while listening to vintage Britney, when Poppy slips into the booth.

She confesses that she’s not Catholic and has never been to confession, but she has been doing Bad Things, and feels like maybe this would help. She doesn’t go into details, but implies that the Bad Things are sexual in nature, and Father Bell immediately gets a boner. He steps out of the booth at the end of her confession to explain penance to Poppy face to face, and he’s all:

mistake 2

Because Poppy is stacked, with big red harlot’s lips, and Father Bell feels tempted for the first time since he took his vows. Father Bell starts thinking about all the Bad Things he wants to do to Poppy, specifically involving his steeple and those big, red lips of hers. He wants to know her. He wants to know her real hard.

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