Sordid, by Nikki Sloane

sordid

Grade: B-

Doing it at: This is making me feel squicky, but we’ll go with 13%

Catnip: Light College Romance JK LOL, Banned books, Dark Romance, Serbian Mafia Car Salesmen, Serbian Pillowtalk, Just The Tip, Nonconsensual Sex, Choking, Bondage, #TeamAnal, We Like What We Like

Shame Scale: Every bit of shame you could possibly muster

Fantasy Cast:  Amy Jo Johnson circa Felicity, plus Ian Somerhalder

Book Description:

It took me years to find the courage to speak to Luka. He seemed exactly like me. Intelligent. Focused. Serious.

But he’s not the man I imagined.

His reality is cruel and dark. He traps me in his web, his power twisting tighter the more I struggle, until it’s hopeless. I can’t break free.

As he drags me unwillingly into his filthy world, I can’t ignore the terrifying idea circling my mind. What if I belong here with him?


Mary: There’s been some buzz about Nikki Sloane’s Sordid for awhile now, after Amazon banned it from their site for “offensive content.” So duh, we had to have it. Tell me I can’t have something and I’ll want it double.

Cleone: Plus we were like, how bad can it be really? We’ve read lots of twisted sex books in our romance rabbit hole.

Mary: We picked it up on Smashwords, but you can still buy it on iBooks and Kobo. And then we decided that it sounded like the perfect book to read during our Autumn camping trip to Shenandoah National Park with all our children and my mom.

Cleone: Nothing says wholesome family fun like buddy reading some BDSM amongst stunning fall foliage, as your children frolic nearby.

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Priest, by Sierra Simone

Priest

Grade: B-

Doing it at: 47%

Catnip: Man of the Cloth, Stripper With A Heart Of Gold, Forbidden Romance, Outercourse, Just The Tip, Creative Lube, #TeamAnal, #DISP

Shame Scale: All the shame. Ridiculously sexy erotica about a priest and a stripper, with every religious sexual metaphor you could possibly dream up.

What Do We Taste Like?: Sweeter than salvation and communion wine.

Fantasy Cast: James McAvoy, Sophia Bush

Book Description:

There are many rules a priest can’t break. A priest cannot marry. A priest cannot abandon his flock. A priest cannot forsake his God.

I’ve always been good at following rules.

Until she came. Then I learned new rules.

My name is Tyler Anselm Bell. I’m twenty-nine years old. Six months ago, I broke my vow of celibacy on the altar of my own church, and God help me, I would do it again. 

I am a priest and this is my confession.

This was actually my third foray into the world of priest romance. The first was The Thornbirds, when I was approximately 12, and it taught me everything I know about sex that I hadn’t already learned in Clan of the Cave Bear. The second was A Little Too Far, by Lisa Desrochers, and it was extremely disappointing because it was billed as the double trash whammy of a stepbrother/girl/priest love triangle, but there ended up not even being any priest sex. This book though? Had copious, gratuitous, ridiculous priest sex, plus the hottest game of Just The Tip I’ve ever read (and a sweet little romance to boot)

Father Bell is the priest in a rural town outside of St.Louis that reminded me of Tree Hill or Stars Hollow – a nice little community where people go to church and everyone knows everyone. He’s manning the confessional one morning, counting down till get out of there and do things that priest like to do on their afternoons off, like watch The Walking Dead and go jogging while listening to vintage Britney, when Poppy slips into the booth.

She confesses that she’s not Catholic and has never been to confession, but she has been doing Bad Things, and feels like maybe this would help. She doesn’t go into details, but implies that the Bad Things are sexual in nature, and Father Bell immediately gets a boner. He steps out of the booth at the end of her confession to explain penance to Poppy face to face, and he’s all:

mistake 2

Because Poppy is stacked, with big red harlot’s lips, and Father Bell feels tempted for the first time since he took his vows. Father Bell starts thinking about all the Bad Things he wants to do to Poppy, specifically involving his steeple and those big, red lips of hers. He wants to know her. He wants to know her real hard.

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