The Hooker and the Hermit, L.H. Cosway & Penny Reid

HH

Grade: B+

Doing it at:  45%

Catnip: Opposites Attract; Rugby; Sexual Healing; Secret Identities; Fake it Till You Make It; Funny Girls; Strong Female Lead; Light Bondage; Paparazzi; Awful Ex Girlfriends

Shame Scale: I feel like we are almost never ashamed anymore, at least not by books that don’t feature BBW shifters or terrible writing. The cover on this one has a good touch of the humor that’s to be found inside, and you can read it anywhere.

Fantasy Cast:  Colin Farrell (in S.W.A.T.); Katie Holmes

Book Description:

New York’s Finest
Blogging as *The Socialmedialite*
April 22
LADIES AND GENTS! I have an announcement!
You know that guy I featured on my blog a few months ago? The really, really hot Irish rugby player who plays the position of ‘hooker’ in the RLI (Rugby League International)? The one with the anger management issues, the body of a gladiator and the face of a movie star? The one with the questionable fashion choices leading me to ask whether he was the lovechild of a leprechaun and a hobbit? Ronan Fitzpatrick? Yeah, that guy. Well, I have a confession to make…

THE HERMIT
Annie Catrel, social media expert extraordinaire at Davidson & Croft Media and clandestine celebrity blogger, can make anyone shine in the court of public opinion. She is the Socialmedialite, anonymous creator of New York’s Finest and the internet’s darling. Virtual reality is Annie’s forte, but actual reality? Not so much.

THE HOOKER
Ronan Fitzpatrick, aka the best hooker the world of rugby has seen in decades, despises the media—social or otherwise. The press has spun a web of lies depicting him as rugby’s wild and reckless bad boy. Suspended from his team, Ronan has come to Manhattan to escape the drama, lay low, fly under the radar. Only, Ronan isn’t easy to overlook, and he can’t escape the notice of the Socialmedialite…

THE PLAN
When Ronan is sent to Davidson & Croft Media to reshape his public image, he never expects to cross paths with shy but beautiful Annie, nor does he expect his fierce attraction to her. He couldn’t be happier when her boss suggests pairing them together.
What lengths will Annie take to keep her virtual identity concealed? And what happens when the hooker discovers who the hermit really is?


After having my heart destroyed by Missed Connection, I went in search of something funny with a guaranteed happy ending, and I was lucky enough to find The Hooker and the Hermit. It was exactly what my brain needed after the NYE cry-fest. Penny Reid is an automatic buy for me, and I’ve got L.H. Cosway’s Hearts of Blue queued up in my to-be-read pile now, the two authors created a near perfect romance with mature characters and crazy-steamy sex scenes.

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The Master, by Kresley Cole

the master

Grade: A

Doing it at: 9%

Catnip: Alpha Hero; Strong Female Lead; Russians Mobsters; BDSM; Pretty Woman; Funny Girls; He’s basically a criminal; Deep Dark Secret; Secret Identity; Chastity Belt; #Teamanal; Wall Sex; Dick Glamoured

Shame Scale: You do NOT want to read this one anywhere where ANYONE minus one of your very special book-shame-sharing-friends might see the text. There is so much doin’ it, this is a magnificently high shame book, book snobs would not endorse this. We endorse it though, strongly

Fantasy Cast: Clive Standen and Gina Rodriguez

Book Description:

“A need colder than Siberian winter meets an attitude hotter than the Florida sun in #1 New York Times bestselling author Kresley Cole’s sultry new Game Maker novel.

Everyone fears the Master…
Rich, irresistible politician/Mafiya boss Maksimilian Sevastyan prefers tall, obedient blondes to fulfill his…complicated desires. That is, until the icy Russian encounters a disobedient brunette whose exquisite little body threatens his legendary restraint.

Except her.

Catarina Marín was a well-off young wife until her world fell apart. Now she’s hiding out, forced to start working as an escort in Miami. Her very first client is beyond gorgeous, but when he tells her what he plans to do to her, Cat almost walks out of the door.

If pleasure is a game, play to win.
After their mind-blowing encounter burns out of control, the lovers crave more. If they escape the deadly threats surrounding them, can Maksim overcome his past–to offer Cat his future? Only then will she tempt him with what he really wants: her, all tied up with a bow.”


I’m going to tell this recap like Stefan describing the hottest new nightclub in NYC, because this book?

stefon 4

Secret identities, prostitution, murder, chastity belts, sex in quaint covered bridges, nipple clamps, Russians with troubled childhoods, private jets, a makeover montage. EVERYTHING. If you, like me and all my 10-year-old friends, saw Pretty Woman as a kid and thought it was terrifically romantic you are going to love this book. It has everything you loved about Pretty Woman with 100% more deep throating and anal shower sex. Richard Gere would definitely approve.

The Master opens with Cat Marin, nee Ana Lucia, on her way to Maksim Sevastyan’s swanky penthouse to serve as his “date” for the night. Cat has never done this before, she’s been on the run from her nefarious-attempted murderer-gold digging-grifter-husband for three years, moving from city to city, working jobs that don’t require a real ID, and plotting to finish school and finally run far enough that he’ll never find her. To get out of Miami she needs some serious cash. One of the people whose house she cleans (her actual job) is an escort, and has been trying to convince the young, gorgeous, bootylicious Cat to do the same. Cat had been waffling until she spotted someone who she’s fairly certain is her scary ex, Edward in town; so when Ivana calls and asks Cat to cover a “date” that she has to cancel on with a high-rolling Russian, Cat agrees. The Russian is a “hobbyist” in escort speak and a high roller to boot, Ivana tells Cat that this one job could earn her like 10 grand and our Cat is no dummy so of course she goes. Plus she figures, maybe he’ll be hot and give her the schtupping she’s been needing because she hasn’t had sex in YEARS.

stefon shock

Cat almost backs out at the last-minute, but she balls up and knocks on his door; and is majorly rewarded, because Maksim Sevastyan is HOT. Like Cat is thanking Jesus Cristo in her native Spanish. Maksim however is less pleased, he was expecting his usual type: tall, blonde, thin. Instead he got Cat: short, curvy, dark-haired, and with a grande culo that does not quit. At first he wants to immediately send her on her way for not being as requested. But then he sees that ass (this is really what happens, I’m not just being a jerk) and changes his mind; maybe she can stay after all. Maksim offers her 3K to “be amenable to his interests” which equals him tying his partner up, gagging her, beating her with a crop, and taking her from behind. Cat is all “That sounds…interesting…lets do it my way instead” – I’m paraphrasing that- So they do do it her way and he loves it, but afterward he goes stone cold. Cat’s not up for his asshole bullshit (Go Cat!), so she struts her sweet ass out of there and pretty much wins book reader hearts forever:

Mocking sneer in place, he said, “You’re supposed to tell me how I moved heaven and earth for you. You’re supposed to fawn over me, increasing your chances that I’ll book you again.”

…..

“Oh, baby boy, don’t you know statistics? Chances can’t be improved from one hundred percent.”

Cat, of course is correct, Maksim goes to great lengths to book her again and when he gets her back to his penthouse playground he has booked her for a full night. He has the intention to fuck her right out of his system. She has told him before that he’s her first client, but he doesn’t believe her, you know because he’s a world-weary Russian billionaire who had a really bad childhood. So he doesn’t believe anything she tells him. But he’s dying to know more about her because she’s giving him things sexually that he never knew he needed. In his attempt to fuck her right out of his hair they have wall sex, and pool sex, and he performs oral on her multiple times (even though he’s NEVER done that before, but don’t worry guys he’s super good at it because they always are, right), and she lets him have sex with her without a condom because she’s drunk on champagne and his cock. In the morning Maksim is all happy-go-lucky and tells Cat he wants to keep her the rest of his time in Miami and she agrees; after some negotiating and offering of large sums of money that will enable her to get far far away from her murderous ex after Maksim leaves town. But, since nothing in a romance novel can run smooth, Maxim decides that Cat was trying to trick him into getting her pregnant. Which she wasn’t, our girl is way better than that and she agrees to let the Dr. whom Maksim summons give her both the morning-after-pill AND an IUD. Cat is a much better woman than I, if a guy who was paying me for sex called a strange doctor to a hotel room to insert an IUD into my uterus I would holler HARD LIMIT and flee.

After the forced birth control Maksim essentially kidnaps Cat and makes her his sex slave for the next week.

spicy

The next 60% of the book is just sex scenes, with some shopping–Cat orders the most room service ever (just lobster on top of lobster por favor), a treadmill, tons of new clothes, a manicurist, etc–, and travel, and murder confessions thrown in for good measure. So. Much. Sex. With so much vivid writing about the sex, some highlights because sharing is caring:

“Uhhn!” His mighty thighs quaked around my ears.”You’re taking my cum before I’m ready!”

“Semen shot so forcefully into my sheath, I whimpered; liquid heat bathed it like a balm”

“As he moved to the top of the bed, his huge shaft wagged, catching my gaze and making me want”

Even for a trashy romance there’s a surprising amount of oral in this book, it led to this actual messenger conversation between the mybookshame gals:

C: I’m reading a book where so much cum has been swallowed and I’m only at 42%

M: She’s basically surviving on cum and lobster

C: Yes. She’s doing OK!

PP: That diet’s gonna give her gout

The Master also has a real live chastity belt that the heroine wears (and likes), anal sex that makes Maksim so proud of Cat, and Cat being a general sassy bad ass who Mary and I like a million times more than any wishy-washy heroine we’ve encountered lately. This book features characters from The Professional, book one in Cole’s Game Maker series, including Jess! Jess is the sassy out of hand best friend of every girl’s dreams— well if you’re the kind of girl who can forgive your best friend for giving your mom an accidental Molly on your wedding day. Who cares if mom’s rolling! This girl is fun! Mary and I have high hopes that Jess is going to be the girl to conquer the third Sevastyan brother’s heart in an upcoming book.

If you’re looking for a light, sex-heavy, fun read, and aren’t squeamish about a teensy bit of kidnapping and spanking and forced gyno exam giving, then I gleefully recommend The Master.

Check it out on Amazon: