Wait for Me, by Samantha Chase

Wait for Me

Grade: D (For no D)

Doing it at: 69% (sort of…)

Catnip: Doing it with the Boss; Snowed In; Ex-Athlete; Hate Read; Bland Characters; All the Cliches

Shame Scale: It’s a non-YA romance without any sex. Like a sandwich with no cheese. It’s not really shameful, but I don’t know why you’d want to read it

Fantasy Cast: NA

Book Description:

There’s no time like the present… Unless you’re still running from your past

Executive assistant Emma Taylor is desperate for a little time away; away from her job, her life and from thoughts of her boss’s son who doesn’t seem to know she even exists. Tired of waiting for the time to be right, she takes advantage of her boss’s generous offer for a little weekend getaway to thank her for helping out with a difficult business deal.

Former NFL superstar Lucas Montgomery is still suffering from a career-ending injury. His self-imposed exile from life is exactly what he wants; a sanctuary where there’s no chance for disappointment or distractions and that’s exactly the way he likes it. While his family has been patiently waiting for Lucas to come around and embrace life once again, they don’t realize that it wasn’t just his career that was lost, but his sense of identity.

Lucas thought everything was fine until sweet, sexy and completely off-limits Emma Taylor comes crashing into his carefully constructed world one snowy weekend and turns his entire life upside down.

I don’t remember how I found this book. I know it was on a list of recommended snowed in titles, but I can’t find the original source to properly shame them. I think some of my anger is stemming from the fact that I wasted one of my precious library hold slots on this book for the TWO ENTIRE MONTHS it took to become available. You know how in older soap operas they would show a couple kissing and falling to the bed, then the camera would pan to a candle and they’d cut, and then the next scene would pick up in the morning? That was this book.

Emma works for Lucas’s father as a bland and mousey, yet terribly competent, assistant. Lucas is the broody youngest son, who injured his knee – ending his pro-football career, and has been living full-hermit up in the mountains in a picturesque cabin. Lucas’s dad has been noticing the “glances” between the two during Lucas’s visit into the office each month, so he decides to play matchmaker and send Emma up to his cabin in the middle of a snowstorm.

This is where I would complain about the inappropriateness of one’s employer meddling in their love life, but office romance/banging the boss books are catnip for me, so carry on with all of these workplace harassment policy violations please.

Things don’t go quite as planned, and Emma ends up crashing her car into a *tiny* ravine in Lucas’s yard, and gets a concussion. She wakes up in his house, very confused, and there’s a bit about being in heaven and why is god shouting so loud???? that makes me think this book is actually a sneaky Christian romance. This is reinforced quite quickly when Emma and Luke start to get down to it, and then the book picks up the next morning.

“I could lie here all night kissing you, Emma,” he said gruffly, “but I’d be lying if I said that was all I wanted to do.”

She smiled with womanly satisfaction. “What is it that you want to do, Lucas?” she whispered, and then let out a squeal of delight as he switched their positions again so she was on her back beneath him.

“I’m not really good with words, Emma,” he said with a wicked smile. “I’m more of a man of action.”

Emma found that she could easily live with that.

Chapter 8

There was nothing like a good full body stretch when waking up. Emma always found that a great way to start her day. The feel of a very warm, hard male pressed up against her back as she stretched, she decided, was an added perk.

So there I was, fairly engrossed, glad that the book was finally getting past the dumb cliches and bad dialog and on to the good parts (remember, we forgive bad books if they give us good spank material here at Mybookshame), when this happened, and I was all What the shit? I tabbed back and forth between pages a few times to see if it was a glitch, because why would you cut the sex out of what is clearly a romance novel for grownups? I don’t know why. Maybe Samantha Chase is targeting the small subset of romance readers who like to order their sandwiches with no cheese.

The rest of the book is lots of implied sex and cliches and misunderstandings. Bla bla bla. I read it to the end, just to make sure nothing good happened. Bottom line, I had to give it a D. It would have gotten the mandatory D- for no D, but it wasn’t completely virginal, and there was one brief mention of feeling a clothed “arousal” which is a D of sorts, I guess?

Plus side: Now I know the title of a book I can throw out there when someone like my mother in law asks for a romance recommendation, or if my dentist asks what I’m reading and I’m eyes deep in something like A Forbidden Rumspringa.

Amazon

Come Away With Me, by Kristen Proby

Come Away With Me

Grade: D-

Doing it at: 19%

Catnip: All the Cliches; Bland Characters; Free!; Hate Read; Insecure Heroine; Actors; I Can’t Believe This Famous Guy Likes Me!

Shame Scale: I mean, I’m not terribly proud of the fact that I read this the whole way through.

Fantasy Casting: Robert Pattinson; Mae Whitman as Bland (Ann) in Arrested Development

Book Description:

“Being confronted on the beach by a sexy stranger wasn’t part of Natalie Conner’s plans for a peaceful morning taking photos. And why on earth would he think she’s taking pictures of him, anyway? Who is he? One thing’s for sure, he’s hot, and incredibly romantic, feeding Natalie’s wounded soul. 

Luke Williams just wants the world to give him a break, so seeing yet another camera aimed at his face has him ready to pounce on the beauty behind the lens. When he finds out she has no idea who he is, he’s intrigued and more than a little tempted by her. Natalie has a body made for sex, a sassy mouth and Luke can’t get enough of her, but he’s not ready to tell her who he really his. 

Natalie is a no nonsense girl who doesn’t do well with lies and secrets. What will happen to this new relationship when she discovers what Luke’s hiding?”

This book kept popping up on Goodreads lists next to other books I liked, and I’m pretty sure at least one of the authors I follow on FB has made some sort of a shout-out to Kristen Proby. Her name sounded familiar to me, and this book was on a list of romance books featuring pregnancies I was looking through while searching for something to read in anticipation of the new royal baby. I basically wanted Will + Kate fan fiction, and I ended up with Robert Pattinson fan fiction. I checked my kindle library and saw that I had downloaded it at some point (because Hi, my name is Mary and I’m a Free Book Hoarder), and thought hey, this could be ok. As I mentioned in our review of Deep, accidental pregnancy books are one of my fave types of catnip. Well. This book was terrible. I only finished it because I hated it so much.

Basically, our heroine is out photographing nature scenes one morning and is accosted by our hero, Luke, a famous actor that everyone else in the entire books recognizes from his starring role in a series of teen vampire movies, Robert Pattinson, who assumes she is taking his picture and wants her camera. When he realizes that Natalie doesn’t recognize him, he’s so intrigued and refreshed that he falls into deep, deep insta-love with her. Luke Robert decides not to tell her that he’s famous, and she’s a moron so she doesn’t pick up his big secret even though it’s completely obvious with all the anvils dropping all over the place. As you can see from the book description, this deception is the big conflict, and it’s over pretty quickly, with minimal drama. One blow up scene, then a delivery of “at least 50 dozen roses” with the most incredible “aroma” (lol), then forgiveness. I kept waiting for something to happen, for there to be anything exciting, but the rest of the book is mostly predictable mild relationship drama between a Stage 3 Clinger (Luke Robert), and an insecure twat (Natalie). And poorly written sex scenes that feature words like “waxed pubis,” and things like this:

“He’s braced himself on his fists on either side of me and is pushing into me over and over, hitting that sweet spot on the front side of my vagina, sending little glittery sparks of yumminess all through me.”

“He runs one finger down my cleft, from my clitoris to my anus, and I cry out. “Argh!” Ohmygod! “Honey, you are so wet.”

Also, nitpick here:

“I push and pull him in and out of my mouth, my teeth sheathed behind my lips.”

When writing a beej scene, aren’t sheathed teeth implied? I’m pretty sure you’re only supposed to mention teeth if you’re using them.

The whole book reads like a list of bad romance cliches like, “We didn’t fuck, we made love,” and “I need to know if there is any competition, because I don’t share.” And omg, he just loves to see a girl who eats! Can you even imagine? Also, one of Natalie’s big quirks is that she has a bunch of tattoos that sound like inspirational memes, except written in languages she doesn’t even speak, in all the college girl places. Because she’s really deep, you guys. Natalie was a total basic girl. In fact, this whole book was pretty much basic.

The writing made me cringe over and over (and over and over) again. It was a frequent abuser of one of my biggest pet peeves: describing hot clothes that sound ugly (he wears DOUBLE-BREASTED SUITS), and describing amazing meals that sound like Applebee’s dishes. For example, when Robert takes her on some glorious date to a chateau he’s rented out for the night and they sit down for a five-course dinner with wine pairings, they eat: Chili garlic calamari; Hawaiian-style chicken skewers; Mojito-marinated halibut with mango, avocado and black bean salsa; Pork tenderloin and New York steak with Yukon gold potatoes.

Mmmmm Yukon gold potatoes. How gourmet!

If you’re trying to impress me, those potatoes should be fingerling at the very least.

And here is a picture of a jerk in a double-breasted suit so we can all agree how ugly and un-sexy they are:

Double breasted suit

Amazon