Instagram Famous Hump Day

Our Instagram feeds are 70% hot guys. With tattoos and strong selfie game, here are the internet-famous boys filling our spank banks.

Tristan Cameron Harper

You don’t even like hockey, but you find yourself at the rink most mornings watching Tristan skate with his team. You bring him coffee, and hoot when he body checks someone. He could say anything to you in his Scottish brogue and you would smile, swoon, and say yes yes yes. Tristan uses beard oil that smells heavenly and makes you blush when you remember how that beard tickles between your legs. He wears a kilt to your wedding, and every one of your female relatives tries to find out what he’s wearing underneath. The answer is nothing.

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Nick Bateman

Nick moved into the condo below yours a few months ago. Initially you were pretty sure that he wasn’t interested in you, because you have a vagina and he has a tiny dog that he wears in a backpack sometimes. But one night you invite him up to help put together some shelves, and he makes it clear that your vagina is NOT an impediment. Nick doesn’t like you touching his hair once he’s ready to go out, and his tiny dog isn’t fully house trained. But, Jesus, just look at him.

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Josh Mario John

JM was in a punk band with your brother in high school. He was scrawny and wore zip up pants and a safety pin through his ear. You run into him ten years after graduation when you make an appointment to get So It Goes tattooed on the back of your neck. When he brushes his fingers across your nape you get goose bumps, and when he asks you out for a coffee afterwards you stress that you have beans back at your place. You like to be on top, and lick your way across the patterns and pictures on his torso. He smells like cigarettes and ink and your brother punched him when you showed up together at Thanksgiving dinner. JM insists being with you is worth the new bump on his nose.

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Ricki Hall

Ricki is your regular hook up. The two of you quickly discovered that you could never date, you’re perky and he’s a bit of a broody mess. He spends all his extra money on tattoos, and most of his extra time drinking with his friends. So, dating, yea that would never work. But when he texts you at midnight, a little y/n? You always text back y. He talks dirty, and he likes you on your knees. Ricki is surprisingly eager to cuddle and makes a mean grilled cheese sandwich at three a.m.

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Nic and Campbell Pletts

You’ve been dating them both for three months, and you can only tell them apart with the lights off. You only call them things like “darling” or “baby,” because you’d hate for them to find out that you still don’t know who the fuck you’re talking to half of the time.

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Levi Stocke

Levi is so dreamy, he’s quiet and is the first guy whose apartment has more books than yours. He has a french press, and a bread maker, and a ton of cast iron and he uses all of it. Your friends check him out shamelessly and if you dare say anything bad about him they take his side. Levi encourages you to send your manuscript to editors that he knows, and when your first book sells he takes you to the least cheesy bed and breakfast in the whole country. Levi always kisses you goodbye like he means it.

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Shane Burnell

Your grandma was really upset when you brought home a guy with a face tattoo, but Shane charmed her with his soft accent, his impeccable manners, and his hearty appetite. Shane still drives the car he bought in high school, its barely holding together, but he keeps it running with his sheer will and nimble fingers. You’ve never met a guy with more talented fingers.

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One thought on “Instagram Famous Hump Day

  1. Pingback: Lawless is Live! | mybookshame

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