Doing it at: 23%
Catnip: Mafia; Motorcycles; He’s Basically A Criminal; Italian Pillow Talk; Accidental Pregnancy; Papa Don’t Preach; Sex at the OB’s; #LikeABoss; Dick-Dazzling
Shame Scale: Pretty high shame. Can you picture yourself reading this one at your in-laws, and having to answer someone who asks what you’re reading?
Fantasy Cast: Vincent Piazza; Nina Dobrev
The last thing I need is a wife and kid.
The only settling down I do is at night, when I take a girl home to f*ck. I get laid to unwind from the chaos in my life. I live to hear them scream my name, but one night is all they get.
One night was all I needed.
Until I knocked up Maya.
It was supposed to be one night. But one wild night made me want another, and another. I’m addicted to every inch of her body. Now that I have her, I can’t let her go. I thought I never wanted a family, but now I can’t imagine life without one.
Only, there’s a problem.
Her father wants me dead.
I didn’t know she was his daughter.
I don’t give a damn.
She’s mine. Our child is mine. I protect what’s mine.
Even if it means war.
Knocked Up by the Bad Boy is just the kind of book I needed to accompany my last day of work/frantic vacation packing. The kind of book where there might be a few surprises, but the title gives you all the major plot points. There’s a bad boy, and he’s going to get someone pregnant. Odds are excellent that there won’t be any emotional hangover, and you probably won’t have to pay attention too hard to follow the story. Bonus: books with the best titles usually have some of the best trash lines. In that respect, this book did not disappoint.
When I read this book, I had just finished watching The Wedding Planner (Find me a woman who didn’t like this movie and I’ll show you a liar), so I couldn’t get the image of Justin Chambers’s ridiculous Italian accent out of my head when I was trying to picture our hero, Johnny. Johnny is a mafia boss. The mafia of Montreal. Totes not joking. I love the idea of there being a big powerful Italian mafia in a French-Canadian city.
I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse, eh?
Or maybe, Leave the gun, take the Tim Hortons.
Ok. We’re done. Anyways, getting back to it. Plot spoilers galore in here. If you plan on reading this and want to be surprised, scroll down from one hot mobster to the next.
The book opens with Johnny at his bar, where he takes a cocktail waitress to the VIP section for a quick beej. He decides not to fuck her, because he’s wants someone hotter. His testosterone-jacked inner monolog is so full of eye-rolling machismo, I had to force myself to stop highlighting favorite lines:
Her, my cock says. Fuck her.
I love getting it wet, hearing them scream my name, night after night. I fucking need it because it’s not easy being me.
On his way back to the front of the bar, he spots one of his underlings hitting on Maya, and he quickly decides that she’s the one he needs to put his penis in. Johnny makes the other guy fuck off, and tells Maya exactly what he plans to do to her. She’s intrigued, but when she realizes he’s Italian, she remembers her father’s rule about not sleeping with an Italian, and she runs off.
…Back to the Montreal MC, where she lives, because Maya is the daughter of the Club President. Her dad is an abusive asshole who wants to keep her locked up inside the MC fortress and marry her off to a member. Her trip to the bar was her one night out, to rebel, feel free, hit on a man who isn’t a dirty biker (these are the scary drug running bikers, not the hot ones we love). When Maya’s dad sees the lacy dress she wore out on her floor, he flips his shit and hits her. It’s all kinds of not cool. Maya wants to keep going to beauty school and eventually move out and have a life that’s not MC related, but her dad makes it pretty clear that he will never let that happen.
Later that week, Maya can’t stop thinking about Johnny and how much she wants to take him up on his offer to make her come a bajillion times. She decides to rebel and sneaks out of the compound once again to Johnny’s bar. Johnny starts in on her with the macho attitude about her return for his cock, but refreshingly, Maya gives it right back.
“Can you actually use that cock of yours? Or is this alpha-male posturing compensation for something else?”
Maya suddenly realizes that Johnny is connected, and that amorous congress between the two of them is probably a horrible idea – if her father ever finds out she did it with a mafia guy, Johnny is pretty much dead. But he’s pretty irresistible will all the dirty talk, and Maya is really feeing the urge to clean out the cobwebs, so they head back to Johnny’s place. One thing leads to another, and Johnny ends up taking her HARD and UNPROTECTED in the living room. Why are there so many adult women in romance novels who aren’t on the pill? Isn’t everyone on some form of birth control these days?
There’s lots of quality doing it in this book, and I enjoyed the Italian pillow talk. Non-English pillow talk is big-time catnip for me.
“Tabarnak, your tits.”
“Maddon, so that’s it, huh? That’s your sweet spot.”
Johnny asks when he can expect a repeat, since all their parts fit together so well, but Maya is all, “Sorry brah, if my dad finds out about you, you’re mincemeat.” Johnny, being a big time mafia boss, is all, “LOL really tho.”
“I’ll fuck you again, and again, and when you go home tomorrow to your daddy, you can tell him that Johnny Cravotta fucked his little daughter.”
Eventually, Johnny heads over to the MC fortress to do some business. His Mafia and the MC are allies, something about drugs bla bla bla plot. When he’s there, Johnny sees a picture of Maya on her dad’s desk, and he’s pretty pleased with himself when he realizes what he’s done.
Life at the compound for Maya only gets worse, however. Her father gets even more controlling, makes her drop out of school, forbids her from leaving at all, lots of hitting, etc. And there’s the problem of her MIA period. She manages to sneak out and finds Johnny, where he’s in the middle of some mafia meeting. At that point, it finally dawns on her that Johnny isn’t just some connected guy, he’s THE guy.
“I didn’t just fuck a boss. I fucked the boss of Montreal. The most powerful man in the city, and I didn’t recognize him.”
I mean, yeah, but we’re talking Montreal here, lol.
She drops the pregnancy bomb, and he drags her down to an OB’s office to get it confirmed. The whole time, Maya is freaking out and Johnny is all, “Hey! I think I want to be a dad!” When the test comes back positive, Maya exercises some logic and announces that she’s DEFINITELY getting an abortion, because, hey, she’s super young, has plans for her education, and oh, her dad will LITERALLY kill her. Not figuratively. Johnny on the other hand is thrilled about his impending fatherhood, so he dick-dazzles her into changing her mind the only way he knows how: by fucking her on the exam table.
I reach up to her neck where there’s a little tear in her paper gown. The tear drives me nuts, and I yank it. It makes a loud, ripping sound, and I keep yanking until two ripped halves hang from her shoulders. The paper drapes over her tits, hiding her nipples. I see her thighs glistening, and then I tear the rest of her gown so that it falls into pieces on the ground. I’m going to fuck her. Right here in this doctor’s office.
Johnny tries to get Maya to come live with him, where he can protect her, because, duh, she’s his now. Maya decides to hang on to her independence a tiny bit longer though, and heads back to the MC. Where the shit hits the fan, and her dad tries to kill her. She runs back to Johnny who is only a little bit “I told you so,” and he agrees to take care of everything as long as she’ll marry him. She argues a bit, but eventually decides YOLO, and they start scraping up a quick shotgun wedding.
Maya’s family comes to the engagement party, and her dad manages to start a war between the Mafia and the MC. There’s a bunch of blood and drama in here, but luckily Maya and Johnny get their HEA.
This was a fun read. I was able to chuckle over the dialog, and for a book with a ridiculously Alpha hero, the heroine still manages to balance it all out with some spine. If you’re looking for a fun rainy day book that’s not going to make you think too hard, definitely check this one out.
And I’ll leave you with my favorite line:
You’re mine. You’re mine.
I’m determined to coat her womb with my cum, just in case anything happens. I’d fucking knock her up again-and again. I want a family, and she wants me. She’s wrapped around my finger and I’ve got my dick wrapped in her cunt.
Check it out on Amazon: