Fifty Shades Darker

 

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Grade: F

Doing it at:  no early and often doing it can save this book. The sex scenes were so repetitive that I was high speed skimming through, just trying to find the end of this.

Catnip: BDSM; Hate Read; Controlling Sociopath; Bad Writing; Dom Jeans; Stalkers; Abusive Relationship; Fan Fiction

Shame Scale: Red hot burning shame, this is the most shameful thing a romance reader can be caught reading, because this crap is what everyone derivitively thinks we are reading

Fantasy Cast:  Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan

Book Description:

Daunted by the singular tastes and dark secrets of the beautiful, tormented young entrepreneur Christian Grey, Anastasia Steele has broken off their relationship to start a new career with a Seattle publishing house.

But desire for Christian still dominates her every waking thought, and when he proposes a new arrangement, Anastasia cannot resist. They rekindle their searing sensual affair, and Anastasia learns more about the harrowing past of her damaged, driven and demanding Fifty Shades.

While Christian wrestles with his inner demons, Anastasia must confront the anger and envy of the women who came before her, and make the most important decision of her life.


I know that I am like six years late to this garbage heap of a book. I started reading it way back when the Fifty Shades craze was just sweeping the country (complete with sex toy product tie ins!), but it was just so badly written that I couldn’t finish it and moved on to actual GOOD romance. Flash foward to January 2017, the Fifty Shades Darker movie is set for a Valentine’s Day release, and Mary and I are planning another installment of Drunk at the Movies! Somehow Mary decided that she didn’t want to be the only one who had read this horrible thing, and told me if I didn’t read it, I couldn’t accompany her to the movie. And I love movies with my bae. So here we are, guys. Here. We. Are.

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Commander in Chief, by Katy Evans

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Grade: B-

Doing it at: 30%

Catnip: Presidential Plowing, Powerful men, Politics, Office Romance, Dual Narrative, Office Sex, Drama-free, Mature Adult Decisions

Shame Scale: Super low

Fantasy Cast:  Justin Trudeau and Sophie Turner

Book Description:


We fell in love during the campaign.
The stakes were high.
Reputations could have been ruined.
Scandal hovered over us like a cloud.
Now the man I love is the President of the United States of America.
And its not my vote he is after.
He wants it all.
My heart. My body. My soul.
He wants me by his side.
In the White House.
Normalcy will be gone from my life, privacy forgotten.
I am only twenty three. I just wanted to play a part in history. But it seems like history wasn’t done with me. The part where I lost my heart to Matthew Hamilton? It was only the beginning…


Katie Evans is a favorite of ours. From her MMA fighters to her manwhores, we can’t get enough. Finally, we got the sequel to Mr. President, that we were so eagerly awaiting. Matthew Hamilton has been elected, and takes over the presidency. And he want’s Charlotte by his side.

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Wait for It, by Mariana Zapata

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Grade: B

Doing it at: 96%

Catnip: Friends to Lovers; Single Mom; Real Live Grownups; Slow Burn; Strong Female Lead; Coach Me; CoHo Exception; Neighbors; Sports Stuff; Mexican American Heroine; Perfect Gentleman

Shame Scale: No shame, you could share this book with your local little league coach, or read most of it aloud in your quiet office over winter break. It’s basically a clean read, guys.

Fantasy Cast:  Jeffrey Dean Morgan (not doing anything remotely violent!)& America Ferrera

Book Description:


If anyone ever said being an adult was easy, they hadn’t been one long enough.

Diana Casillas can admit it: she doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing half the time. How she’s made it through the last two years of her life without killing anyone is nothing short of a miracle. Being a grown-up wasn’t supposed to be so hard.

With a new house, two little boys she inherited the most painful possible way, a giant dog, a job she usually loves, more than enough family, and friends, she has almost everything she could ever ask for.

Except for a boyfriend.

Or a husband.

But who needs either one of those?


Wait for It is Mariana Zapata’s newest release, and the fourth of her books that I’ve read, and to begin with I have to say that these are not my usual type of books. Zapata writes SLOW BURNS. And I am not exaggerating the slow, look at that doing it percentage up there! With my growing inability to focus on anything for more than two minutes at a time (ooooh something happened on Twitter, better fall down an internet hole!), I don’t know what it is about Zapata’s books that hold my attention.

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Retreat, by Jay Crownover

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Grade: A

Doing it at: 47%

Catnip: Roughing It, Hate to Love You, Cowboys, Lumbersexual, Sexual Healing, Romantic Suspense, Strong Female Lead, Fish Out of Water, Horses, Hot Springs, City Mouse vs. Country Mouse, Ride It My Pony

Shame Scale: I think we are entirely shameless at this point (Garth Brooks link appropriate because this book involves a Stetson hat!)

Fantasy Cast: Alan Powell, Amy Adams

What Does He Taste Like?: Mountains and man

Book Description:


Every once in a while, you need to get away from it all.

I was a woman on the edge, shaken and shattered after a breakup that felt like it tore my entire world apart.
My best friend, sick of watching me drown in misery and melancholy, harassed me until I agreed to go with her on a week-long wilderness retreat.

She promised days spent bonding and getting in touch with our inner bad-asses. It was supposed to be all about the two of us roughing it and making do with the bare minimum. She assured me we were going to be pushed to our limits in ways that were unimaginable. Neither one of us could have ever guessed just how right she was.

Nowhere in the glossy brochure did it say anything about the fact I was going to have to battle the insufferable but deliciously rugged and sexy trail guide instead of the elements. The brochure also forgot to mention the part that warned when you left civilization behind, there was no place to pack your inhibitions and fears.

I was told that I would be facing a week where the only thing I should expect was the unexpected. However, no one mentioned that I was going to have to fight for my life…and my heart as soon as I ventured into the unknown.

I was a pro at hiding from my feelings but when it came time to face a real threat, one that could change everything, I learned I was more of a no surrender, no retreat kind of girl.

Retreat is a standalone novel, the first in the Getaway series which centers on the hardheaded and brokenhearted Warner brothers and the women that dare to love them.
These boys are very good at putting the wild in wilderness.


Mary: Jay Crownover has decided to dip her toes into the Cowboy Romance world and we cannot be more excited about it.

Cleone: Jay seems determined to give us every single male fantasy- hot cop, hot criminal, hot carpenter, hot military men, hot lawyer, hot versions of Trump’s worst nightmare— and now the hot cowboy. Thanks, Jay! You’ve got a golden boner in your future for your gifts to womankind.

M: I love cowboy books, from the super erotic, Stetson hat, vaguely bi-sexual Lorelei James/Maya Banks/Lora Leigh kind of cowboys, to the ultra masculine Kristen Ashley cowboys who are pretty much exactly like her bikers/pimps/bounty hunters/lawmen/fantasyland marauders. I’m pretty much pro-cowboy in all forms. But Crownover’s cowboys lean more towards the gentleman’s undercut, plaid shirt, motorcycle boots, lumbersexual type – and as a Pittsburgh wannabe-hipster mom, that is SO my catnip. So quick, close your eyes and don’t look at the cover, because this book is totally about a hot hipster cowboy and not an aging Joey Fatone.

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Heat Wave, by Karina Halle

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 Grade: A

Doing it at: 57%

Catnip: May-December Romance, Older Man, Aussies, Calgon Take Me Away, Dead Ex, Mild Hardship Porn, Forbidden Romance, Food Porn, The Other Sister, My Dead Sister’s Husband, Ocean Sex, #DISP

Shame Scale: Why are we even rating this anymore? You know we’re completely shameless. Plus this one has a gorgeous cover.

Fantasy Cast:  Hugh Jackman, Brie Larson

What does he feel like?: Like velvet steel, and silky to touch

Book Description:


They say when life closes one door, another one opens.
This door happens to lead to paradise.
And a man I can never, ever have.

Still grieving the loss of her sister who died two years ago, the last thing Veronica “Ronnie” Locke needed was to lose her job at one of Chicago’s finest restaurants and have to move back in with her parents. So when a window of opportunity opens for her – running a kitchen at a small Hawaiian hotel – she’d be crazy not to take it.

The only problem is, the man running the hotel drives her crazy:
Logan Shephard.
It doesn’t matter that he’s got dark brown eyes, a tall, muscular build that’s sculpted from daily surfing sessions, and a deep Australian accent that makes your toes curl.
What does matter is that he’s a grump.
Kind of an asshole, too.
And gets under Ronnie’s skin like no one else.

But the more time Ronnie spends on the island of Kauai, falling in love with the lush land and its carefree lifestyle, the closer she gets to Logan. And the closer she gets to Logan, the more she realizes she may have pegged him all wrong. Maybe it’s the hot, steamy jungles or the invigorating ocean air, but soon their relationship becomes utterly intoxicating.

There’s just one major catch.

The two of them together would incite a scandal neither Ronnie, nor her family, would ever recover from.


Mary: Hey there! How’s your 2016 going? Anything like ours?

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We wrote a little ditty about it. Just hum ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’:

Prince died, Mrs. Brady, Phife Dawg, David Bowie
Alan Rickman, Leonard Cohen, Muhammad Ali
George Michael, George Martin, Nancy Reagan, Gene Wilder
Miss Cleo, and my dad, Leia and Harper Lee
Donald Trump and Mike Pence, Gary Johnson, Conservatives
Endless wars, Police shootings, Brexit, Misogyny
Diarrhea, Raging Periods, Alzheimers, Christmas Plagues
Gawker’s Gone, Rats in cars, Fuck off 2016
 
We didn’t light this dumpster
It was always burning since the world’s been turning
We didn’t light this dumpster
No, we didn’t light it, but we tried to fight it

 

M: What a fucking shitty year this has been, amiright?

C: My 2016 has actually not been as bad as my 2010-2015, but I feel physically scared to say that out loud-like the 2016 boogey man is lurking for me.

M: If ever there was a year to lose yourself in some romance books, 2016 would be it. So let us tell you all about this dreamy book set in Hawaii, inspired by paradise and Hugh Jackman at his hottest. And to those who have tried to tell me that Hugh Jackman isn’t hot, I counter with Australia.
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M: I would do terrible things for some of that fresh creamery butter.

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Womanizer, by Katy Evans

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Grade: B+

Doing it at: 21%

Catnip: Banging the Boss, Brother’s Best Friend, Sex and Cigarettes, Working Girl, Manwhore

Shame Scale: Zero shame

Fantasy Cast:  Cam Gigandet, Cara Delevingne

Book Description:


You’ve seen the headlines: Womanizing billionaire player! Watch out! Stay away!

We were just two strangers. Facing a forbidden attraction, a chemical connection. Neither of us expected or wanted it to amount to more.
But I had never been drawn to a guy the way I was drawn to this one: my brother’s best friend, and CEO of the company where I interned.
Even knowing I should stay away, I proved to be too human, after all.
The chemistry was amazing.
The laughs were incredible.
I opened up to him in more ways than I’d opened up to anyone before.
But sex was as far as I’d go.
Just sex because he was too irresistible.
Just sex because I wouldn’t be falling for him.
Just sex because I’d leave in three months, and I’d like for my brother not to kill me, and for nobody to find out he was my wicked little secret.
He wasn’t the One.
He was just a womanizer.
But for a time, he would be mine.


Katy Evans is one of our faves here at Mybookshame, and we were excited to get our hands on Womanizer, the 4th book in the Manwhore series we love so much. Callan Carmichael is the last of the billionaires to be paired up, this time with Tahoe Roth’s little sister, Olivia.

The story starts shortly after the end of Ladies Man, with Olivia moving to Chicago for an internship at Carma, Callan Carmichael’s Fortune 500 company. Tahoe pulled some strings and got her the job, which chaps her a bit as she’s really determined to become a big business lady on her own with no help from anyone.

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American Queen, by Sierra Simone

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Grade: B+

Doing it at: 38%

Catnip: MMF, Presidential Plowing, May-December Romance, Dom in Chief, Psychics, All the Angles of the Triangle, Powerful Men, Magical Realism, Arthurian Lore

Shame Scale: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Fantasy Cast:  Gigi Hadid, Tom Hiddleston, Lee Pace

Book Description:


It starts with a stolen kiss under an English sky, and it ends with a walk down the aisle. It starts with the President sending his best friend to woo me on his behalf, and it ends with my heart split in two. It starts with buried secrets and dangerous desires…and ends with the three of us bound together with a hateful love sharper than any barbed wire.

My name is Greer Galloway, and I serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States.

This is the story of an American Queen.


Cleone: It’s here guys! Super Tuesday is finally here, and we survived the election campaign onslaught, and the circus that is our country. And our reward? Our reward is the banana-pants-super-filthy-delightful American Queen.

Mary: This was not only the M/M/F election themed book we needed, it was the one we deserved.

C: Mary read this one about two days ahead of me (I am slow, it is an eternal shame and sadness) and was essentially dying for me to catch up to her. I didn’t quite understand her urgency, but holy shit, everybody hie thee to the book buying emporium of your choice and get this book.

M: I was texting random people about this book just so I didn’t spoil it for her and it was SO HARD. Also, this was the first book I’ve gotten Cleone to read where the M’s are next to each other and not separated by an F. I maybe didn’t mention this at all in the hopes that I could trick her into reading it, because I’ve been trying to get her to read M/M for forever.

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This is the newest from Sierra Simone, who wrote one of my absolute favorite filthy books of 2015: Priest. Remember that one? The one where they got cum on the altar cloth and used sacred oils as anal lube? At this point she’s got me, I’ll literally buy anything she writes.

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